A Charge for Our Sisters.
Sisters, something is up.
We cut each other out, question each other’s motives, hold back from swooning over each other’s power, while we cling to men who do not deserve us.
Men who see us as a convenience and do not treat us like the Queens that we are.
Men who talk to us like we are a piece of meat, just around for their pleasure.
Men who hit on our girlfriends.
Men who do not deserve a strand of hair from our heads.
Men who smoke all day every day, and whose greatest ambition in life is finding a clean t-shirt to wear. Somehow we have convinced ourselves they are cute.
We talk to them as if they are our children, and boss them around as if it’s our job to make them men.
We talk about them like they are our latest science project and we’re trying to figure out what ingredient to add to make them love us right. As if we are doing something wrong, and if we try harder, they will finally awaken to the magick that we are.
Why will we spend years toiling away at a harmful relationship, with a man who literally makes us feel unsafe, but when a dear friend says something we don’t like, we cut her out of our life as easily as we bring out the trash on a Tuesday morning?
We talk to everyone except her about her grave offense, and decide that she is guilty, no matter what.
My sisters, we must stop this easy judgment and cruel cutting out from our hearts the women who have been there for us. The women who have dropped everything to hold our hand when our brother had cancer. The women who have traveled with us, laughed with us, cried with us.
The women who have made us who we are.
Let’s stop worshiping men for being men. As if by being born a man they receive our respect. As if every little tantrum they throw is precious, or the way they make us feel is okay, because they have a dick.
Let’s give all of the Get out of jail for free cards to our sisters, and take them away from the men in our lives.
Let’s stop letting them get away with murder, and rather give our sisters some time to explain themselves, time to listen, time to speak.
Let’s give our sisters another chance.
Let’s stop viewing each other as threats. As if the brilliant and beautiful ones are competition or can hurt us.
Let’s stop laughing at each other’s accomplishments, cutting each other down, coolly looking away when we could build each other up.
Rather let’s call out each other’s power, and watch our collective sparkle against the darkness of the patriarchy.
For it is not they who are to blame for the patriarchy, it is us.
Let’s stop praising men like puppies and worshiping them for doing the bare minimum: making a meal, cleaning up, putting their shoes away, being semi-adults, while we caustically look at our sisters.
We view men who want to have sex with us as something special. I mean, who doesn’t want to have sex with us? Why is that such a special accomplishment?
The energy that we put into planning our time with our men, waiting, hoping, let’s put some of that into building relationships with other women we respect. Women who are not less than us, women we do not have to help, but rather women who intimidate us with their power. Women who will make us stronger.
The heart of this worshiping of men and disgracing our fellow women comes from the worshiping of our fathers.
Somehow, even in their deeply flawed addictive states, even when they were not around as much as our mothers, we have decided that they are gods among men.
We have decided that we miss them every day and we do not remember all that they were when they were around. The alcohol, the abuse, the rage, the pain.
We decide to forget all of that for the chance of just one more minute with them, a minute in which they actually see us, instead of looking blindly through us.
It is easy to idolize that which we don’t see.
Our mothers stood by us, and yes, they had their own flaws and mistakes, but at least they stayed. And we blame them for all of the things that have gone wrong in our lives, while wishing for one more moment with our spotless Daddy.
Let’s forgive our mothers and see them as people. If they saw us as a threat to them, if they were jealous, if they hurt us, if they hurt us still, they are people with their own wounding and grew up in a time where healing just wasn’t a thing.
Let’s let them into our hearts for just a moment and feel what it feels like to let them love us. By actually telling them what we need, instead of fuming at the dinner table as if the whole world is out to hurt us.
Tell them what you hope your relationship can be, what you want to make it, and do not settle for anything less.
In that moment when we accept that frail love, but love that it is, we give our sisters permission to be human.
To be frail, broken, to be small, to not always say the right thing or inspire us like they should. But we get to love them anyway.
Because we deserve that love too.
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Maria integrated holistic therapies of Yoga, aromatherapy, meditation, and dance therapy with the discipline of psychotherapy. She expanded on her education and experience in psychotherapy by becoming certified in Yoga and Reiki II. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery which stokes the holy fire in every woman she meets. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember who they are. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess photo shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.