Kindness Is the Way, and It Begins with Ourselves.
Kindness is a quality of the soul, a powerful agent for transcending perceived points of separation and creating a true sense of connection with another.
I see kindness as both a fundamental quality of being and a need seeking to be met. The need, specifically, is for meaning and connection.
Kind, compassionate people are compelled to seek meaning, and possess a high level of empathy and emotional intelligence. They are drawn to careers, service work, and roles in life that contribute to society, the community, their family, and sphere of influence.
Kind folk are oriented towards helping others. This desire to help others is natural and exists without prompting.
Intuition (i.e. following your gut) is a superpower for kind folk as it is the ultimate, trustworthy source for very-much-needed discernment.
I belong to kindness as I suspect you do too.
We are seers, empaths, highly sensitive, helping professionals who give a f*ck about other people, sometimes to the detriment of ourselves.
Bravo! The world is full of self-centered assholes so I congratulate you on this notion.
But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s dive into kindness because as wonderful as kindness is, I believe our kind nature must be fiercely guarded.
On what kindness is not
Kindness is not a weakness, it’s pure strength.
Kindness never requires we sacrifice ourselves, an aspect of ourselves, or what we value the most, for any reason, at any time. Not our bodies, nor our minds, or our hearts. While sacrifice in of itself is a worthy notion, it’s a slippery slope for us kind folks. In my opinion, sacrifice is a serious matter, and therefore should occur infrequently and with good reason.
Kind is not nice, period.
On what kindness is
Kindness is attractive. With kindness you can dissolve barriers, create connections, and make a difference in someone else’s day. I too want grand, large-scale impact, but true impact comes from intimate, genuine exchanges. Kindness is the way.
Kindness is simple by design. We can keep it uncomplicated by recognizing and rejecting the ‘should’s’ and ‘would’s’ and “could’s” that don’t align with who we are and what truly we care about. You design the rules and are free to edit them at anytime.
Kindness is a self-centric practice, and that’s a good thing!
With kindness there’s room for “No”, “No, thank you”, “No, not like this”, and “F*ck, no”.
Kindness begins with ourselves. Then we extend it outward. This is the way of genuine kindness. Anything else is smoke n’ mirrors, untrue, and unsustainable.
Kindness always considers your values, your needs, your truth (at the time), and asks that you be kind to you, always. The moment we choose kindness for another over kindness for the self, is the moment we loose our footing. In order for it to be kind, it must be kind to both you and the other.
Kindness is rooted in compassion and empathy and understanding.
Kindness has little to nothing to do with wearing a smile on your face or being extroverted. In fact, the more kind folk I meet, the more I see we often tend to generally not like people, because they are disappointing or draining or worse. You can be kind and introverted and protective. It’s a harsh world out there, I get it.
The kicker with kindness
So, to recap, kind folk are givers, lovers, and helpers.
Our kindness is a reflection of our soul, and yet at times our behavior and decisions may be perceived as unkind from the outside looking in because we have chosen to extend ourselves kindness first.
Does our kindness stem from an endless well of compassion? Absolutely not. This is what it means to be human! Jesus and The Buddha were good role models for this.
Being human means having limits. Despite all the the memes telling you otherwise.
This means then that each of us is working with a bandwidth of energy we can extend outside of ourselves, including kindness. We can work to expand the total bandwidth we are working with at any given time, but one simple truth remains:
Us kind people will go dark if we ignore the warning signs or refuse to acknowledge our limitations. We can, and will, experience total compassion fatigue and burnout (a spiritual crisis) if we choose XYZ over Self, time and time again.
A spa weekend with the girls might be lovely, but I doubt it’s the rehabilitation you need. No, instead you’re now looking a total life revamp in the eyes. Something (or many things) have to shift and dramatically.
Of course, that begins with you extending kindness to yourself.
The ultimate permission slip for kind folks
Choose you. Choose your health. Choose your sanity. Choose your heart. Choose your life. Then you will have the capacity to give (almost) endlessly to others, kindly.
This is the way of kindness.
Sarah H. Nicotra is a professional intuitive and progressive voice in the field of spirituality and personal growth. Central to her work is helping kind folks embody truth — courageously and gracefully, in service of living a deeply congruent life. You’ll find a wealth of resources available to help you navigate the territory of the soul, wisely, on her website.