Reclaiming Your Sexual Aliveness.
Surviving sexual trauma means your head is wiped of memories.
You can’t quite remember what happened.
Is it what you think or is it what they told you?
It is getting back fragments of the truth and running fast from those who try to fill your brain with false memories.
Memories where you were the one who was wrong.
It is learning to self-pleasure without wanting to throw up and outrun your skin.
It is learning to have sex with your soul as much as your body, and only let in those who are worthy of both.
It is neither suffocating nor exploiting your sexual power, and deciding for yourself what each looks like.
It is feeling the deep sensual pleasure of being alive and hungry for life, knowing that your desire and your heartbeat have saved you.
It is reclaiming your sexual aliveness, and knowing that it is yours alone to do with as you please.
It is looking around you at a sea of faces of people who all belong. Those who are blissfully connected in some unspoken agreement to be normal and you are not one of those people. You wonder if you ever were.
It is being half-human and half-God.
You can see things others can’t see, and you can feel things others can’t feel. You can create and heal and love in a way this world needs desperately, and if you’re not careful, you can choose to leave this world casually, as if you never existed to begin with.
Surviving sexual trauma means looking at the grave of the person you were and vowing to not let them go, no matter what.
It is remembering your name before it was taken from you.
It is returning to the church, the home, the school, the alley that robbed you, and feeling the sickness in your body as you stand at ground zero. Picking up the shards of your soul and taking back what is yours.
It is making new memories every day. Simple memories that fill your lungs with breath. Maybe not with the ones you seek, but with the ones who love you back.
It is looking at your Frankenstein heart and seeing how it lets the light in and through more than your old heart ever could.
It is keeping sex as sex, and not allowing it to be either the devil or your savior. It is a deep part of you and deserves your kindness, just like your heart, your soul, and your mind.
It is taking it all back and learning what it was for, and living with more aliveness than what you ever thought you could manage.
It is rekindling the erotic innocence in your body for you alone, and no longer dimming it to make others comfortable.
It is deciding to stand on your own. You no longer waste time trying to fit in with sexless lifeless ones, nor do you belong with those who will have sex with anything that moves. You create your power by standing in the middle.
It is saying the names vagina, vulva, yoni, pussy without blushing or apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.
It is wearing what you want to wear, when you want to wear it, because the rules no longer apply to you.
It is knowing the worst is behind you now, and deciding to not live in the hell it created, but forge a path in that darkness from which you crawled out, as you teach others to crawl out too.
To the crawl back to You.
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Maria integrated holistic therapies of Yoga, aromatherapy, meditation, and dance therapy with the discipline of psychotherapy. She expanded on her education and experience in psychotherapy by becoming certified in Yoga and Reiki II. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery which stokes the holy fire in every woman she meets. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember who they are. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess photo shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.