you & me

My Vows If I Get Married Again.

 

I am not sure if I will ever get married again. Love — yes, absolutely. But marriage — honestly, the thought of it sends me into an instant panic attack.

It isn’t necessarily marriage itself, but rather the impossible expectations that are placed on marriage that so often make it fail.

It is not some union that suddenly makes you complete or saves you from all of the skeletons you perceive to be in your closet. That transforms you into the happy, perfect family you always thought you needed in order to survive in this world that is so focused on what you appear to be or have as opposed to honoring who you are.

So while the jury is still out on marriage, if I do ever decide to take the plunge again, I will not recite some standard set of vows that have been said, made and broken a thousand times before. Because let’s face it, a church or tradition cannot provide you with a set narrative to express what you, as an exquisitely unique individual, are truly willing to give to another exquisitely unique individual.

Those aren’t your vows, or his vows. They are some verbiage passed down through the hands of time, yet they say nothing about the exceptionality of the union you are about to embrace. For much like you are a one-of-a-kind soul, so too should be the love that makes you willing to speak vows to him in the presence of God’s divine love.

So, if I do ever get married again, these will be my vows. Vows that I want to honor for myself, and honor the man who has the ability to break his way into the deepest caverns of my heart and soul:

I promise to let our love be enough;

To not let life get in the way to the point that we forget about why we are even here.

I promise to laugh more, to not be so serious;

To let shit go that doesn’t serve our highest and best selves.

I promise to give you your own space to be alone so that you may grow as an individual;

I promise you that I am going to take my own space too.

I promise to love you and love with you through the tears, illness and anger that will inevitably arise.

I promise to lay my head next to yours at the end of each night, regardless of what happened during the day.

I promise to let you take care of your children, your family how you need to,

Without my judging eyes.

And I will take care of mine.

I promise to take care of myself first.

So that you only have to worry about loving me, and not fixing me.

I promise to show you how much I desire you so that you never have to question the depths of my attraction.

I promise to sing and dance and enjoy myself every day, and I hope that you will join me.

I promise to find comfort with you under the silence of the night’s sky or in a crowd of people.

I promise to not be perfect,

And to not hold you to some arbitrary standard of perfection.

I promise to love all of your quirks and strange habits,

And I promise to not hide any of mine. It is in our imperfections that we have found love.

I promise to be honest, even when it hurts, and even when I am scared.

And I expect nothing less than you being completely open and vulnerable to me as well.

I promise to say I’m sorry, with no buts, no justifications, no excuses, just ‘I am sorry’.

I promise that I won’t throw a fit when you call me out. And please, call me out when I need to be. Remind me that I am not always right or perfect, and that is okay because you will still love me anyway.

I promise that there will never be a house big enough to replace how I feel at home when I’m in your arms.

I promise that I am entering this marriage not because I need to be married, but because I have found my soul mate, and while this marriage is for here on Earth, our connection was orchestrated by Heaven.

You are not my other half, because that makes us both sound like we are incomplete, but rather you are my mirror. I see in you my greatness and my faults, and I love every inch of the reflection that stares back at me.

You will be so much more than a husband, so much more than a friend and confidant, you are, and will always be, the love that makes every breath, every joy and every sorrow worth living all of the days of my life, and until our souls meet again.

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Sarah Mangiarelli is a mom of two beautiful babies. While her career is in accounting, her passion is in writing from the soul and being out in nature. She is on the precipice of a new journey in her life, and hopes that the words she writes through her struggles and triumphs may bring some peace to others who are brave enough to begin their own new adventures.

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