you and me

To My Soul Mate… and the Man Who Comes Next.

 

I don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want to believe it is true, or possible, but I know that there may come a time, long after you have left my life, when I have to struggle to remember the scent of your skin and the feel of your rough hands, when I don’t want to be alone anymore. When I want to lay my head and heart down next to another’s. Humans are meant to love. They are meant to give love and to receive love and to feel love.

It will take a warrior. A man who is confident in who he is and the values he has. A man who will accept the fact that he can have my body, that he can enter into my heart, but when it comes to my soul — that is off limits.

For you see, I can love so well. I love to love. It might very well be what I was born to do. I will share my heart and open it up completely, because you taught me to. I will share my thoughts and my dreams and my desires for this lifetime, because I want adventure and I want to grow and I want someone I can grow next to.

But my soul, my spirit — that is different. Because I have met my soul mate. I have loved my soul mate. I know the brightness of this world and the melodious sounds of life that can only be seen and heard from the comfort of his arms.

But the thing with soul mates is that we aren’t always meant to keep them. Some lifetimes they are simply meant to swirl in to your life to break you down, crack you open so that you can learn your own strength when you rebuild yourself. To force you to remove everything and everyone that is no longer serving your highest and best self.

You are each other’s teachers. Coming in and out of each other’s lives to help learn and show you the lessons that you still need to experience. To work on the karmic blockages and break their repetitive patterns, to dissolve the anger and hurt and jealousy that you have built up around you and carried for lifetimes.

And only then, after all of the lessons have been learned and the wisdom gained, can two souls unite again, finally as one in the physical form.

In the meantime, we are still meant to love. We are meant to love and to live and to experience because that is how we grow. That is how we learn and evolve. That is how we make our ways back to our one soul mate.

My next love won’t be casual. I don’t do casual, and honestly, I love myself now too much to even think about casual. He will have to be special, unique, flawed but with integrity. He will have to be strong, and certain about who he is as a man.  Simple with his wants and needs, but complex in the way he wants to live and love.

Someone who knows how to love a strong woman, and also how to let her be and grow on her own.

He will need to know the beauty of the world around us. To be open to the reality that there is so much more out there for us to know, and to want to learn and explore and feel. To understand that we don’t need each other to breathe, but would like someone to walk the rest of this life’s journey with hand in hand.

But, most of all, he will have to know about you. I am not the same woman I was before you came into my life, and I will never be the same again. You broke me open. You showed me my heart again and all of its magnificent potential. You taught me love. Love and letting go.

You were the love story I had waited my whole life to find. I didn’t know how it would end. There were no promises made, so none could be broken. You weren’t meant to stay mine. You were simply God’s gift to me to remind me of my own potential. To lead me back to the light and let me go. I tried to hold on to your hand.

I tried to reach back for it a thousand times, but I kept feeling your fingertips grace mine until all I felt was the emptiness of the space between us.

I know you wanted to stay, and if you could have, you would have. You have always been the hero in my journeys here on earth. I know your love as closely as I know my own heartbeat, because I have felt it a thousand times over.

I had hoped that it would be this lifetime when we would finally be together, but it wasn’t, and therefore, I will search for your soul on my next journey, and every journey after until you and I have finally learned enough of life’s lessons, when the Universe decides it is time for us to be one for all of eternity.

The next man who comes into my life will need to know this. All of this. Will need to understand it and respect it. Will need to be grateful to you for making me into the woman I am. Will need to know that my soul belongs to you.

I will teach him the depths of my love, and that I can open myself up to another. That I can love another and go through the experiences of life with another, share my body with another — but it will just be this life. This journey. This time around. My eternity belongs to you, it can only belong to you.

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Sarah Mangiarelli is a mom of two beautiful babies. While her career is in accounting, her passion is in writing from the soul and being out in nature. She is on the precipice of a new journey in her life, and hopes that the words she writes through her struggles and triumphs may bring some peace to others who are brave enough to begin their own new adventures.

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