fiction

Don’t Fear the Void. {fiction}

 

She was a princess locked away in a tall tower. She had no long locks to cast down to her rescue party. Not that there was one to speak of.

She had given one lock after another to each suitor who came to the foot of her domain, promising her the earth and leaving her with nothing but trouble (and short hair). She had now willingly isolated herself from the world. This world was full of empty promises with nothing but happiness that does not last. She expected too much. She knew this.

But what was too much? And where the hell had those rose-tinted lenses gone?

She shed her heavy gown and replaced it with a brilliant scarlet cape. Descending from captivity, her feet became one with the earth as she sank her toes into the moss on the forest floor. Her spirit was now wild and ran with wolves, her red cape cascading in the wind behind her as she raced through the towering trees. She knew her power then.

But the wolves were not her pack, but only her dark secrets she tried to escape. There were no cookies for grandma, and no bears to trace her steps through their house as she stole into the night, taking what she desired. Only demons that she let lie in the depths of herself.

She followed the breadcrumbs like a treasure map, hoping to find some sort of light along her uncertain path. Instead she came across candy houses which made her sick to her stomach, as they lured her from the truth she seeks.

Happily, she met with misunderstood witches who need not be pushed into fiery pits. She encountered many different types of characters along the way who, she had been led to believe by the tales, were anything but good. Even the unsavory types left her with a message of value before she disposed of them.

They would claw at the ditches she cast them into, trying to escape, billowing behind her, something about getting her little dog too. She didn’t even have a dog. What were they going on about?

She traveled the world, seeing things and experiencing things that many only wrote about in myth and legend. Was this living? she contemplated. And still she was not fulfilled. She gorged herself on all things sensory. To the verge of gluttony, but still… emptiness. Surely this should have made her content, but instead she felt sick to her stomach at times.

She was marveled at for her escapades, and praised for the victories she left behind her as she swept over the land, but still it was not enough. Each time she thought she had found the Holy Grail, she cast the new cup aside immediately, muttering under her breath in frustration and disappointment, “No, this will just not do, it is merely a bad copy.”

She would kiss toad after toad, hoping that the magic would take hold, gifting her with the perfect mate, but all she got were warts. She’d have tantrums and cried herself to sleep. She’d laugh out of madness.

As night fell each day, the burden grew heavier on her shoulders. She had all the energy she could get by day as she crossed paths with others. They kept the darkness at bay. She didn’t need to feel, she didn’t have to address the turbulence that lay in the bottom of her gut. There would be plenty of time for that, she was living after all. A life where a prince was not vital. A life for herself.

But it began to dawn on her that all this was just an illusion, that nobody could fill that black hole inside of her. It wasn’t fair to leave her happiness in the hands of another, but wasn’t that what life was about: finding happiness? What good are bedtime stories if they don’t bring us hope for a reality with joy and romance? Did the path to true happiness mean letting the darkness overtake you completely?

She told herself it’s time to feel. She told herself, no more running. She told herself, if she didn’t let this happen at its most raw state, she may never know what real living would entail. Everything she had experienced in life so far, was fairytale-worthy but none of it mattered so much as the authenticity from which she hid.

She realized her canine brood, hot on her tail still, were not trying to steer her from the light, but guiding her to it. When she had nowhere else to turn, and all she had was now. This moment. She stopped in her tracks. She stepped towards them to face her fate. Through gnashing teeth, with saliva dripping from their fangs, despite this, she sensed the oil-slick fur pack meant her no harm.

Their eyes glowed with an ice blue light, she felt herself getting sucked into them as she maintained eye contact. She stretched her hand out towards them — steadily, trembling inside, with nothing else to lose. She had already lost half of herself, and was now at rock bottom. This was it. Her back was up against a metaphorical corner, and she could not muster up any more energy to run again.

Her hand got closer to the beasts and she began to feel faint. In that instant, all sound around her died. Spots appeared before her eyes, and she could hear and see no more as she felt herself drop to the ground. Only light filled her space. A blank canvas. What possibilities can we make with the new clean slate? It was too much to process. So much white. So much nothingness within so much potential.

A voice whispered in her ear, “Welcome to the void, we hope you enjoy your stay.”

Moral of the story: do not fear the void. You cannot outrun it. Only submit to it. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. Finding your way back to yourself can be tricky, but if you allow yourself to feel, to work through the blockades you have created as coping mechanisms, you will get there. Be patient with yourself.

It’s taken you your whole life (so far) to lose yourself in the insanity of social expectations, fortunately with a little bit of the right help and support, as well as faith in yourself, it won’t take you another lifetime to find yourself again.

Not sure where to start? Well, at the beginning of course.

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” ~ Plato

***

Genna-Wae Webster is the creative mind behind the clothing brand Wae West. She was named after a character played by Priscilla Presley on Dallas, Genna Wade. She is a free spirit, a lover of furry beings (especially her cats) and believes in existing within the positive realm when it comes to how she lives her day-to-day life. Commercial clothing and costume design have been her passion since her early teens. Unicorns, mermaids, fairies and all things fantastical inspire her. Collecting superhero things, My Little Ponies and shoes get me excited. Getting lost in movies and TV is what she does for escapism from life. Being involved in helping others with guidance wherever she can is also a big part of who she is. She never tires of talking, and fights for the underdog with a strong will, big ideas and bold opinions. Yoga is how she keeps fit, and doing photo shoots for fun is how she grows in confidence by putting herself under the very uncomfortable spotlight. She believes that facing your fears and being authentically You, no matter what people think, is how life should be lived, and living in a state of unconditional happiness is how you maintain a positive mindset.

***

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