you and me

To the Man Who Tried to Kill Me.

 

To the man who made me feel unsafe in my own skin, with the Universe as my witness, I speak directly to you.

To the man who made me feel like a prisoner trapped within my own mind, plagued with night terrors, and flashbacks every waking moment.

I slowly went mad, unable to differentiate between what was real and what was the web of lies you spun so tightly around me.

When you targeted me, I was vulnerable and shaken, unsteady on my own two feet. I was sensitive and had not yet learned to own that power.

You knew exactly how to make me feel good about myself; you knew exactly what I wanted to hear, how to say just the right things.

You held me as a baby, you changed my diapers, you watched me grow up. We were family.

You are a narcissist, and I was your perfect victim.

The purest part of my soul feels sorry for you; you will never know love, you will never know trust, or beauty, or friendship.

I saw your pain every time you mixed alcohol with prescription drugs that did not belong to you:

Do you do it because you think you are invincible?

Or because you are trying to kill the monster inside of you that you can’t bring yourself to look at every time you see it staring back at you in the mirror?

To the man who tried to steal the parts of me I love the most, who damaged my sense of intimacy; to the man who tried to take my life:

I no longer fear you.

To the man who broke my trust, I have a promise for you:

I vow to become everything you tried to beat out of me and more; I vow to become everything you wish you were.

I will climb the highest mountains, and swim in every sea.

I will sleep under the stars and weave crowns of wildflowers.

I will rule Queendoms, and raise a nation of Goddess warriors and wild witch women.

I vow to breathe in pure life.

I vow to trust my spirit.

I surrender to the Divine Magic of this world.

I know the truth of our story. You know the truth of who you are, and I cannot save you.

But I can save myself, and I will not let what you did to me control my life. I untie the knots of barbed wire you wedged inside my heart, and I am free.

I walk with Mother Gaia; I speak with the Divine.

I forgive, and love deeply.

I surrender.

My life is overflowing with love. I am deeply connected with the most important people in my journey, and I am deeply connected to myself. I am safe now, I am supported, I am guided, I am loved.

I survived you.

I am healing, and I am thriving.

And I will heal others who have suffered as I have.

I am creating a life that is a wonder to behold.

And that is the best revenge there is.

***

Victoria Connell was born on the enchanting Island of Newfoundland, Canada. She is a firm believer in Divine Magic, and spends more of her time with her head in the clouds than with her feet on the ground. Victoria is a certified Yoga instructor, florist and writer. Connect with her at her website.

***

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