you and me

The Story of My Tears.

 

I have cried many tears since meeting you. In the beginning, each tear represented my need for you. My need to know you, to be a part of you.

My need for you to feel some semblance of what I felt for you.

And then over time, those tears turned into ones of complete awe and gratitude at your beauty. Tears that seemed to form not behind my eyes, but rather from the depths of my heart. Every salty water drop that sprang forth, only representing a minor fragment of the ocean of love I felt within.

Meeting you brought tears of happiness from my soul. And feeling those warm springs of water as they fell down my cheeks only served to remind me of my humanity and capability to be in this body as a woman, and embrace my goddess-given right to feel. Those were the tears that housed every word I could not express to you, but wanted to say more than anything.

I have cried many tears over our time together. When those tears shifted to ones of pain, those were the hardest tears to make peace with. Each one represented the grief I felt in my chest when you told me that you did not like who I was. Each tear held your words that I was not the woman you had envisioned in your mind, and therefore I was not lovable to you.

And each one of those tears left the letters of those words smeared and stained across my skin. Those are the tears I can’t seem to wash away, no matter how hard I try to clean them.

And now my tears continue to fall, but I find that there are no more tears of need, just want. I cry because I see you, and I can’t help, but want you — all of you — in whatever fragmented bits you want to give me. And each tear that falls only contains my desire to make peace with the part of me that knows she deserves more, and the part of me who has shrunk her appetite in order to feel more satisfied.

Each tear that falls now is merely a representation of what was between us and what is now. Sometimes these tears hold the disappointment in the knowledge that you and I seem to want two completely different things when it comes to love.

Sometimes the tears serve as tiny mirrors that show me precisely who each of us is and yet, more often than not, my tears tell me a familiar story of great love and great loss.

In the end, my tears have represented my bodily response to what we have shared on a soul level. Each tear reminds me that this experience with you has surpassed any expectation I ever could have imagined, and I cry at the sheer beauty of having fallen in love with myself through you.

Each tear has only told the story of Me.

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Natalie Sophia is a self-proclaimed writer, healer, yogini. Her mission in life is to heal and be healed. She loves to laugh, to feel and to write. She began her journey of awakening a few years ago, and though there are times she longs to go ‘back to sleep’, she knows she has work to do. Her work and her passion are one and the same, and she hopes to inspire others on their life path to attend to their deepest longings as a soul in a human body. Natalie feels that life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. She knows that pain can be inevitable, but there is always choice in the story created from that pain. Feel free to check out more from Natalie on her website and Facebook.

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