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After months of being suspended in sadness, fear, rage, confusion and darkness, I’m finding myself so exhausted that it’s time to try something new.

It’s time to start trusting life in the midst of the changes I’m living through. It’s time to start creating a new story for myself.

I have not healed as yet, and I’m not springing into each day with any form of exuberance. I have been pushed to the edge of insanity by my circumstances, and I have failed to allow trust to guide my days. I do experience small moments of confidence and joy, of feeling sparks of aliveness again.

While this is a welcome change, these moments can be just as quickly replaced again with anger and fear without warning. This transition phase is full of emotional highs and lows.

But there has been a small shift, a willingness to try to leave the old story behind me and move forward into the unknown, grateful for the chance to rebuild my life as an expression of all that engages and matters to me most.

It’s a transition, from what was to what I’m yet to create or realize. This comes with its own set of fears and unforeseen challenges. I have not spent the past few months in a place of trust. I have found myself back at the beginning, learning from scratch again what it means to know myself, trust myself and trust life. It’s a painful process.

I was once given the advice that to lose faith in everything and have to begin again is the best thing that can happen to a person. It’s our chance to start from scratch and only include what is real and authentic to ourselves as we move forward again. This is where I find myself, and so this is where I have started to rebuild from.

So, if you are moving through your own difficulty, please walk in the unknown with me. Let’s support each other, show each other ways to love and trust again, inspire each other and create new stories.

Trust moves us forward in love, not backwards in fear. We are not trusting the process if we allow fear to rule our actions. I know this firsthand, allowing our fears and anger to rule our actions causes ourselves an added layer of pain that we don’t need. While it may not be easy to see such darkness in our own hearts, we must work ever so hard to not judge ourselves harshly because of these experiences.

This is a time where a healthy dose of trust will help us continue to process our emotions while we simultaneously choose to open to love and freedom in our hearts. Trust is key when we can’t see what lies ahead. All we can do is start to create, moment by moment, a new existence that acknowledges our need for love, support and respect.

This transition phase is for movement back to our passions. A time to create, engage and participate with life again. Retreat and rest when needed, but actively pursue play again and open up to all the possibility that surrounds us. Any chance we can take to alleviate stress through play should be jumped at.

With playful energy, we allow space for genuine self-love and solutions to arise, and allow small moments of joy to seep into our hearts and minds.

Trust in life and the process of healing is not easy for many of us. Desperately wanting quick relief from the pain can cause us to be very unkind to ourselves. Sometimes we have to stay in the unknown, waiting for our efforts to bring to fruition the joy, release and healing we desire.

If we know that we are intentionally trying to process our pain in healthy ways, then we can trust that in time life will show us the way forward.

Trust acknowledges that progress may be slow but we have at hand our willingness to create change. Trust knows that we can fall apart if needed and still get up the next day to start again.

Trust helps us with setting up healthy structures around our healing process. Who can we call when needed? What actions will we take when overwhelmed by grief or confusion? How will we reset after a setback? Trust allows healing to unfold day by day without critical self-judgment.

Trust is not fixating on our outer circumstances all the time but going within for our own truth, our own limitations, our own answers. All of this takes time, so being gentle with ourselves is essential, especially if we are sensitive souls.

Most important of all, trust is intentional. It is a constant conversation with self, in our darkest moments and also when something we’re doing to shift the pain is working.

So, walk in the unknown with me.

I will be using play, writing, music, activity, self-care and working towards my goals as the catalyst for real change. I will be finding new ways to engage with life now that a new beginning is being presented to me. What will you create with your new beginning? I hope it’s filled with love and support and respect.

***

Rachel Fry is a writer, mother and creator, who is currently embarking on a new career of writing both non-fiction and children’s picture books. Rachel is passionate about sharing stories, writing, travel, fitness, wellness, children’s education, cultural diversity, art, sustainability, music and contributing in any way she can to add more love and beauty into our world. You could contact her via Instagram.

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