Fight the Patri-Archaic Bullshit.
“They say, “You’re a little much for me
You’re a liability
You’re a little much for me”
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I’m a liability
Get you wild, make you leave
I’m a little much for
E-a-na-na-na, everyone.” ~ Lorde
I know it feels like shit when you get the look. The one that silently, yet not so subtlety, says you’re too much. The look is part of the patriarchy. The patriarchy where women make 78 cents for every dollar men make. The same one that labels women contrarian and men assertive. And of course, the same social construct in which women are promiscuous and men are passionate.
But you can’t let the bastards get you down.
Don’t resign yourself to an eye-roll. Keep spooking them. Make ‘em sweat. Put them on notice. Conversations regarding gender equality and disparities can be quite uncomfortable, but have the potential to pay dividends for our daughters. Choose bravery and perseverance. When the patriarchy causes anger and apathy to creep in, choose enlightenment by empathy.
Use your gift of grace, for yours is a non-linear reality with intersecting lines of pain and joy, silence and sound, color and darkness. You’re defined by the depth of your character, and true to a hue unique to you. A soul for sale is a self-fulfilling prophecy and a sad state of affairs.
In personal and professional capacities, as a power and control tactic, the look can also be accompanied by demeaning names and accusations. You get too hot under the collar or you’re a rabble-rouser or you stir the pot. You may cause ire for your sharp intuition and instincts, and be accused of playing the Woman Card. You may be treated like your breasts give off an appearance of impropriety.
Remember, these are all power and control tactics, and simply persecution for being smart and strong. It’s incumbent upon us females to kill the cannibal culture, and to stop pretending not to notice when they look everywhere but in our eyes.
You’ll encounter good ol’ boy networks of cannibals masquerading as crusaders, veiled with chains of command and divide-and-conquer rhetoric. Some of the old, white, bald men will want to see your dreams lay dormant. Fuck ‘em and dream bigger.
Dissent and elicit change for little girls and females who deserve a place where equality is the great equalizer. A place where all women are defined by the size of their courage, and not by the size of their breasts.
Do not allow yourself to become a product of patriarchy and collateral damage in a misogynistic massacre. Remind yourself and teach your daughters that conviction and heart are your poise and grace. That brains are the prettiest feminine wile, and your style is strength despite the situation or season. Don’t go along to get along. Don’t tone it down. Take no prisoners, and turn it the fuck up.
How do you want our future to be defined? By those who fan the flame, or by those who burn it the fuck down?
Amy Blanaru is a left-leaning Celtic Gypsy based in Boston. She works in addiction treatment and likes her pasta al dente. You can find her on Facebook.