poetry

3 A.M. {poetry}

I am not one for feelings or emotions. I have trouble expressing the way I feel.

I used to look upon myself as someone who was destined to be alone, and was content about it. I had become that friend whom you wanted to hook up with people but who always refused. When I got asked out on a date, I usually made an excuse not to go, which was: you can’t get hurt alone. I was never willing to try. Then he walked into my life and everything changed in each quiet whispers at 3 a.m.

For the first time in my life, I’m scared and excited to try. I’m open and honest. I do not hold back. I know what love can be.

3 a.m. is more than a fever dream in the middle of the night. It’s a time when the earth is quiet and asleep. When we have no other thoughts or cares. When our focus can be on each other, uninterrupted.

This is for you and only you.

***

It’s 3 a.m. and you just left.
I can still smell you on my sheets
I can still taste you on my lips
I’m wide awake yet still at peace.
I’ve stopped asking you to stay
I hate hearing you say No
You need to know how hard it is
to simply let you go.

We lead different lives
and this is all so very new
but in those stolen moments
when it’s only me and you
I feel reborn inside your kiss
and feeling our hearts beat in time
I never thought this would happen
but I’m so happy that you’re mine
It’s 3 a.m., you have to go
and I don’t want to say goodbye
But I force a smile and kiss you
because for once I want to try

It won’t always be like this
and I trust in what you say
but that doesn’t stop me from missing you
every single fucking day.
I will always be patient
and I will quiet all my doubt
Until our lives can finally start
and we figure this whole thing out

Every morning I’m alone
With a tightness in my chest
I pulled my blankets over my face
to try to get some rest
You don’t know it but once you go
I lie there wide awake
and my whole night drifts away
into some distant altered state
Then like clockwork my phone goes off
and there is a message, maybe two
the same time every morning
“Good morning, baby” and “I love you.”
and I don’t feel so sad
Knowing that I’m on your mind
and yeah it sucks right now
but we are patient, give it time
If all I have right now
is quiet whispers late at night
I’ll count my blessings every day
and for you, I will fight
I know that things will change
and it will happen but till then
I’ll cherish every minute
even stolen ones at 3 a.m.

***

Ali Chappell is a writer and actress, making her way back to Toronto from her travels across Australia. When she’s not enjoying the outdoors, she is usually found in a movie theater stuffing her face with popcorn. You could contact her via InstagramTwitter or Facebook.

***

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