poetry

It’s How It Had to Be: Recollections from a Dream. {poetry}

 

Where do dreams come from?

At one point, I thought I could distinguish between the dreams of the subconscious and the dreams that come from a place entirely different — perhaps the place we inhabit before we are born into this world?

I thought I could tell the difference between the dreams that the subconscious mind produces to replay events from throughout the day and the significant dreams. Well, all dreams are significant. They can tell us a lot about the ways we relate to people and the things we experience every day.

If only we learnt how to make sense of them! It’s only then that we can uncover so much about ourselves.

But this isn’t about those kind of dreams. This is about the kind of dream that lingers perhaps forever, or at least until the significance is revealed, the lesson is learnt, and one can finally let go of it, and sometimes that takes time.

A dream that lingers in some part of yourself and you can’t shake it off as easily as you do with others — what do you do with that dream?

You start believing in it. You let it run its course, for better or worse.

***

Once upon a time, I didn’t think much of dreams.

Once upon a time, a dream was just a dream to me.

This one brings some sort of comfort though, despite everything. Maybe this one is in the form of a soul contract, and if so, then my mission was never to make it all better for you, was never to stroke your ego, just as your mission was never to give me the romantic love that people look for, which isn’t really true love.

“Too much of what is called love, is fish love,” says Rabbi Abraham Twerski. “True love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.” And to this I add, true love starts with self-love. But the Rabbi said it wrong. Self-love is not a given, not for many. Not everybody loves their own selves.

Many forget self-love, and seek instead other people to love them. But until we learn to love ourselves, we can never have true love.

So maybe the mission was to teach each other unconditional love. Or maybe not. Maybe all along, this has just been me making believe.

I know, however, that until I have learnt the language of love to understand the lesson, I only have the dream. I know that until I have learnt its significance, I only have myself. And that’s enough. That’s where true love begins — with love of self. Perhaps this has been the lesson all along.
All white it was.
So white!

No sound around.
No time.

There were no earth-bound objects.

I stood as two,
A part of me — she watched us from afar
The other me — she stood with you —
It looked as if on top of mountains.

We had our physical appearance.
You looked like you. I looked like me,
Yet nothing in that moment was of the worldly way to be.

In how we communicated, I find so beautiful a language.
There were no words, no movement of the mouth,
Only a flow of understanding —
A soulful way to let each other know
Of what, that’s still to be discovered.

So I just watched…
As we talked without using words,
As we sat next to each other, we smiled at the world.
I watched as we stood above all space and time.
There was such beauty in that moment!
There wasn’t anything,
not a single thing that didn’t feel all right.

I felt in that moment that we knew of all there’s to know.
That we knew of each other, the way of the world.
Of the present, the future, the past,
I swear I felt we knew of it all!

And so, of course at times I thought we share a bond
A soul-to-soul, but still a different kind of bond.
At times I thought, “Soul of my soul you might even be!”

But we agreed, how things play out
It’s how it had to be.

I don’t, but if I did,
If I believed in souls together for eternity,
Then I’d believe that in that dream,
Although I didn’t know it at the time
We were complete — two souls as one.
We were entwined.
Forever yours was I,
And you forever mine.

But…
… we agreed,
Some things, they can’t be changed.
For now, and maybe for this lifetime,
How things played out,
It’s how it had to be.

May we both find self-love and true love. So let it be.

***

Claudia Antoci is a Yoga practitioner, a horror geek, and a peanut butter marathoner with an aversion to lavender. She likes writing from the heart, although as a content writer she does admit that if you’ve got the gift, you can write about onions and make it a work of art. And she also likes beer. A lot. Claudia studied history because she thought that’s how you learn about the world. Now she recognizes that true learning is the experience of oneself in the world, which hardly ever comes through formal education. And what she would really love to do in life is animal care, because she knows that animals have so much to offer and she believes that animals can teach us about being human. Overall, she is just trying to know her Self.

***

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