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Never give a piece of your heart you can’t afford to live without. And when you do choose to love, don’t be indiscriminate and naive about it.

Observe character and circumstances when putting emotional equilibrium on the line. People are never good or bad. Life is not that straightforward or simple. The ones who hurt you may be the ones who love you and who you love more deeply than the ability to find words for, but love is not enough and it cannot conquer all despite what the Mouse taught us growing up.

Even when it does work, there are never any guaranteed happily-ever-afters. Stop trying to clutch at forever, and just enjoy the ones who cross your path for however long you are helping each other grow as individuals. It’s okay to continue to love someone, but release them when you realize you have developed in different directions and are holding one another back.

I believe in making every attempt to salvage significant bonds, but ultimately the love we show ourselves has to take precedence over what we pour into all other relationships. If you allow the well to become poisoned, every life that draws from it will be sickened. Self-respect and self-care are the two greatest acts of love you can give to those you share your life with.

And sometimes that means recognizing when it is time to go even when you really want to stay. It doesn’t mean you failed. You gained experience, maybe some self-awareness, and gave what you were able to give at that particular point in time. We are the point of our own lives. Don’t pin your existence on the shoulders of anyone else.

Be kind and keep honor, not because people will love you for it (because a lot of them won’t) or because you think people will treat you well in return (your behavior should not be leverage to control others). Do it instead because you are proud to set your own high standards. I can’t vouch for Judgment Day or a balancing of the scales in the afterlife, but I do know we are all accountable to ourselves.

Make the choices you can live with, and that will allow you to meet your own gaze in the mirror without flinching. It doesn’t matter what They think. Your ex may still choose to convey via Facebook to the entire universe that you’re a scheming whore who contracted herpes after seducing the whole lineup of the Warped Tour, no matter how gently and respectfully you left. It doesn’t matter.

The vengeful and spiteful are only revealing the shortcomings of their own nature, and as for those who believe them, those people are all irrelevant. You’ve moved on. Leave them behind where the past belongs. By going forward into your future, you are releasing yourself from their destructive power over you. Negative people love to believe negative things, and it has no bearing on you unless you allow it to.

Love is never a mistake or a waste. Every experience serves its given purpose. Some people leave us better for having known them, and others leave us stronger for having survived them. It’s all okay.

We trip ourselves up and waste our energy playing blame games and trying to paint the other party as the persecutors of little ole innocent us. That pattern of behavior will only prolong your pain and impede your growth. Honestly evaluate, be accountable for your portion, so you can improve in the future connections you make and forgive. Forgive them and forgive yourself.

Holding grudges and wishing people ill or mentally flagellating yourself for real or imagined mistakes means you are still dwelling on them and weighing yourself down.

Forgive and be free.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

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Atreyä E. is a writer, artist and singer living in FL with her better half – a bright and beautiful daughter – and a modest tribe of snazzily attired stuffed animals.

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