you and me

Life Can Be Extraordinary. {poetry}

 

I lived most of my life believing in countless limitations placed on me by those who didn’t know we are infinite souls of magnificent potential.

In the religious cult I was born into, I was ingrained with poisonous words like “You will never amount to anything,” “You’re going to hell,” “Your life is not your own, it has already been planned for you,” and many others. I didn’t even know that I was entitled to have my own dreams and aspirations until my early twenties.

And false beliefs surrounding lack, such as “We don’t have enough,” echoed into adulthood as I continued to struggle financially even though I’d worked since I was 15.

From a young age, I was forced to suppress emotions, because “they are of the devil.” I was punished severely, often beaten for speaking my mind, stating my truth, and challenging the authority figures when we were being brainwashed.

Everything was controlled, from what we wore, ate, thought, our emotions and facial expressions, and even when we could use the bathroom.

Throughout childhood, I was programmed to disconnect from my intuition, my body, my emotions and feelings, my own will, until I began to feel my spirit fading away.

I left the cult on my own at 16, got pregnant at 17, was married at 19 and a mother of two at 20. I was exhausted from my childhood, my highly abusive marriage, my entire life.

I increasingly became too tired to stand up for myself. I submitted to my ex-husband, believing I had to, in order to save my life. From part fear, and part no self-esteem, I lived to serve and please him, but at my own expense.

I thought marriage was supposed to be forever, no matter what, because that’s what I was taught. Also, that “wives live to serve their husbands,” which ended up with me being nothing more than his slave, far from his equal.

Then there was work, day in and day out. Some seven-day weeks, some 12 to 14-hour days. I suffered from chronic fatigue, adrenal issues, depression and anxiety, and many sleepless nights.

Being highly sensitive, I require a certain environment, a clean energetic space, lots of sunlight, fresh air and nature surrounding me. It is important for me to be able to work at my own pace, to go with the flow of my own body and energy, honoring my natural cycles. If I don’t, the result can be disastrous, causing great imbalances and exhaustion.

So now, after many ups and downs, valuable learning experiences, and a whole lot of inner work, I have come to honor my needs, my body, my time, and my energy.

The following poem just about sums it up.

***

I refuse to settle for an ordinary life
living in a way that many others before me have lived
when every day is an opportunity
to create a beautiful new experience.

I refuse to follow the crowd
and walk in the old footsteps already dug deep
when I am fully capable of etching my own footprints, shiny and new.

I refuse to settle for mediocrity
when I know of the possiblity of unlimited wonder
and the opportunity in each moment to live life to its fullest.

I refuse to spend my life working hard, doing things I don’t want to do
when the possibilities for success in life are endless
and life is meant to be fun, joyful, adventurous.

I refuse to do what others think I should do
because I have seen the disasters that can create
when I listen to others, allowing myself to be swayed.

I refuse to walk in others’ paths
because I know I am free to walk my own,
and walking my own path I am. And will.

I refuse to create what others have already created
because I know my own unique creations await their birthing
and I will not deny them of their life.

***

I am determined to live a full life, with its ups and downs, heart-openings and heartbreaks, joy and despair, new adventures and risks, expansion and contraction.

A life of simplicity speaks to me — to be as close to the Earth as possible, to laugh, to play, to create, to feel my heart at its most radiant and aliveness.

I want to be inspired by life, not bogged down by it. Life can be energizing, rather than draining.

There is a way, and I am discovering it.

***

Jessica Eagle Whitefeather is passionate about empowering others to remember that all the answers, healing and wisdom they are searching for can be found within. A lover of nature, freedom and the magical weavings of life, she is passionate about living in deeper harmony and connection with nature, flowing freely with the often wild current of life, and uncovering universal mysteries while learning to embrace all of the strange and glorious experiences human life has to offer. She dreams of visiting faraway lands, swimming with dolphins in the wild, and building an eco-friendly, sustainable, holistic soul sanctuary — financially accessible for all who resonate, where sacred geometry structures are scattered throughout the lush land — a haven where women’s, men’s, and children’s sacred circles are held in the spirit of community, celebration, harmony, unity, and honoring our beloved Mother Earth. You can connect with her via Facebook.

***

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