Are You Falling for the Clarity Myth?
Clarity. It’s so compelling and often frustratingly elusive.
As a coach, much of the work I do is helping my clients gain some kind of clarity and insight about how to move forward in the most potent way. But the meaning we attach to clarity can leave us stuck. And this meaning depends on whether we’re being led by the Inner Good Girl or the Unbound Woman.
Many of us are governed by an Inner Good Girl — the part of us that wants to fit in and please others above all else. For the Inner Good Girl, clarity is figuring out what’s right and what’s wrong; working out the answer to the eternal question: What should I do?
The Inner Good Girl believes there is one right way and her mission is to find out what it is. As she values external approval over any sense of inner knowing, she tends to look outside for the answers. She wants someone else to tell her what to do. So she will wait and hold back until she gets a definitive “Yes! That’s the right way,” which very rarely, if ever, comes.
However, the Unbound Woman recognizes there is no right or wrong. She knows that life is inherently paradoxical. And in these fast-changing, turbulent times, so-called clarity is like quicksilver. What feels clear in one moment will feel muddy or irrelevant the next. That’s why the Unbound Woman is suspicious of anyone who professes to know the right way.
Waiting for the mythical clarity of the one right way, and having an expectation of pure, clear knowing, keeps many women stuck in procrastination and paralysis, for weeks, months, or even years. I’ve noticed this particularly in business.
What should I call myself? A coach? A mentor? A healer? A therapist? A guide?
What domain name should I choose for my website?
What niche should I pick?
What should I do as my first step once I’ve decided on all this?
Hang on, maybe I should change what I call myself now?
Do you feel exhausted just reading these questions? I know I do. Because many of us recovering good girls have got stuck in the quagmire of asking them (or something similar), over and over and over again.
But the thing is, all of the above questions relate to externals. And the Unbound Woman knows that none of this outside stuff really matters. She’s in on the joke. She knows you can’t get it wrong.
Your path is your path.
There are no wrong turns.
It’s all one big experiment.
Whatever you decide in this moment is okay. It really is. So, what if you chose to make a decision and go along for the ride? See what happens.
What you’ll most likely notice is that as soon as you make a decision, something frees up within you. A feeling of relief and spaciousness, as your shoulders drop and your stomach settles. And ironically, as soon as you make that decision and start to take action, you may well gain some more clarity or a new insight. It’s your Universal reward for taking a bold next step into the unknown.
Unmade decisions are like catnip when it comes to your personal power. Unmade decisions drain you, exhaust you, keep you rigid, stuck, weighed down. That’s one of the reasons the Inner Good Girl procrastinates on deciding. Deep down, the thought of being fully connected to her personal power terrifies her. So, she sticks relentlessly to the ‘I can’t decide until I have clarity’ story.
Are you tired of telling yourself that story?
Are you over falling for the clarity myth?
Give yourself permission to experiment and play.
Move forward from a place of exploration, not expectation.
Know that you can’t get it wrong.
And that you create the path as you walk it.
So, tell yourself, “I’m clear enough in this moment,” and choose to know what’s next.
Your Unbound Self is waiting for you.
Nicola Humber is an Intuitive Coach and author of ‘Heal Your Inner Good Girl: A Guide to Living an Unbound Life’. She helps women in business to access their fullest, most brilliant, unbound selves (and get abundantly well paid for it). You could join her free, online community here, or download a free Meeting Your Unbound Self Visualization here.