Why Women Don’t Trust Each Other.
Most, if not all, of the women I know have a hard time trusting each other. I know I do.
The betrayal, the passive aggression, deceit and gossip are things many of us have experienced between women at some point in our lives. We may have been the mean girls at school ourselves. So why is this still happening? How do we address it, and where did it originate in the first place?
We must remember that a huge chunk of our history (or her-story) has been covered up and is not talked about. It is not taught to us at school or in the history books, but we all know it happened. The witch-hunts.
The numbers killed are unclear, some rumor millions and others say it was hundreds of thousands, but we know that over a long period of time, women were being murdered, raped and tortured simply for being who they were. Full towns, and even cities, were completely cleared of their female population, including girls and babies.
It was genocide on such a huge scale, across countries and continents, it’s hard to imagine how that must have been to live through. Many of us have a sense of that fear and terror still living within us. Feminine power was systematically squashed and completely discredited in place of structure and control.
For those women who did survive, they had to become very good at hiding themselves. They were forced to stop their natural way of living through their instincts, intuition and senses. They had to adapt to the new rules put in place by the church and the society at large. They became a tool in building the empire in the minds of men who were hungry and ready to take charge.
The earth was no longer viewed as sacred, it was a means to an end. To protect their families and themselves, many women chose to hide, they gave up what they believed in, and hid their power and magic so that they would be safe. This is how it all began.
Your ancestors hid their magic to keep themselves and you safe. This is why we are alive today.
The problems we have with each other as women stem from something much deeper.
If you think and feel back to times where women would be rounded up and burned alive in churches, where they would be put to trial, questioned, and their reputations ruined, it would be easy to see how it serves the systems of control to make sure women feel alone and separated from one another in order to keep them in order and force roles on them they were never meant to have.
If you take women out of their natural habitats and ways of being that feel good, safe and healthy, eventually mental illnesses will develop and some strange behaviors begin to display themselves. Also, women would innately want to protect their sisters, so this policing of behavior became normal.
If a sister, daughter or friend was becoming too big for her britches, she would be brought down to size and reminded of her place, otherwise she might bring unwanted attention to the family and herself and that was not a risk anyone was willing to take anymore, the killing had to stop.
This is also where women were exiled and called crazy for being different. The ones who were not able to be suppressed would be shunned by society and called crazy cat ladies or old hags if they did not conform.
As a result of this, we still have programming that says “Don’t let her shine too bright, because she might bring unwanted attention to us.” We might get really triggered when we start to see our sisters rise and shine and share. Some part of us wants to sabotage. We don’t know how to deal with these uncomfortable, painful emotions.
We don’t know how to trust each other, we are still learning that it’s safe to have a voice. In this transition phase, we can see female leaders stepping into their power in a very masculine way, they had to be clever about it. They had to combine forces with the powers that be in order to have any hope of lasting impact or change.
We cannot just skip through the evolutionary process straight to the eventual goal. Change has to be progressive to be effective. In the new landscape of female power, we can see women rising in their Truth.
We can see that we don’t need to follow a patriarchal, male-dominated system in order to be successful anymore. And yet, there are still underlying issues that must be addressed and haven’t been talked about much yet.
The way that we healthily relate and function together as women is fundamentally different from the way masculine men do.
Keeping all of this in mind, it is not strange to believe that we would still have big issues stepping in to our feminine power. And it is also not strange to see why women try to stop one another from being powerful. We still believe in a hierarchy, there still seems to be a need for a leader of the pack.
I understand that it is natural for humans to want to be led by someone who can show them the way, to have a role model and to be taught. However, what I am seeing that is not working in the female leadership community is still this energy of “My way or the highway” of positioning and manipulation to gain control. A lot of it is still stemming from fear and lack.
Women who are vulnerable and have low self-worth are going to these female teachers and trying to find their way, still unable or unwilling to claim their own power. Instead of sharing ideas and learning techniques, they are creating idols of the women they go to for support. I have both done this to teachers and had this projected onto me.
If we keep going like this, we are missing the point and still playing into the hands of patriarchy, and it needs to stop.
Many of us have this internal panic that we won’t make it. We may not even really know who we are or what our message is, so we would rather go to someone who seems more sure of themselves and do it their way. It’s survival and it is nothing to be ashamed of, we have all done it.
So squashing each other isn’t working, comparing ourselves isn’t either. What do we do now, and how do we build trust in our female communities? We talk to each other. We start to be vulnerable with people who we know can hold that space for us.
We stop the blame and cycles of perfectionism and putting unnecessary pressure on one another. This is not the natural way a woman thrives. She thrives with love, nurturing, understanding and care. She thrives when she sees how she can contribute in her own unique way. She thrives when she is seen and heard, without judgment by others and especially other women.
It won’t change overnight, we don’t have to deny our jealousy, our fear of being attacked, or the mistakes we have made in the past.
We do, however, in order to build back trust again, not only within female leaders but in our own selves, start to be more honest. Start to take off our masks when we relate to each other, stop feeling that other people are more worthy or special than we are, and make right on our misdeeds towards other women. To stop bitching and start focusing on intelligent, change-making conversations that add value.
If we want to be valued, we have to look at what we are contributing to the conversation.
I know so many amazing, talented and kind women who are ready to have this conversation and to make lasting change. If you are one of us, welcome and thank you for being here. We are co-creating a new way of leading the world back to Love, and we really deserve to be trusted and to trust our sisters in that.
Jennifer Cain is an Advanced Theta Healing practitioner, Psychology Graduate, and advocate for the Rising of the Divine Feminine on our planet. She has held space for women globally with her online mentoring work, and also facilitated live Goddess workshops and meditation evenings in Bali, London and Edinburgh. She is a student of the metaphysical text ‘A Course In Miracles’, and continues to train alongside some of the worlds leading teachers in spiritual wisdom and on female empowerment. Jennifer’s company is Rise Goddess. She offers individual healing sessions alongside longer-term spiritual mentorship programs to her clients all over the world via Zoom. You could contact her via email or Instagram.