Initiation of Grief.


Initiation is a portal through which you enter into a new mode of consciousness, a different way of being, another evolution of yourself.

Initiation helps us to move through the in-between chapters of life, yet when we peer into the spaces there is an emptiness there, a rite of passage stripped away by our technological, industrialized culture.

There is grief there too. Grief lives in these in-between spaces, a messenger from the soul, a deep swelling of longing and sorrow from the heart and a priestess waiting to anoint your heart. Grief is there, in the initiation to release and expand your heart ever more and ever always.

We search for “how” to grieve rather than the spiritual refuge and wisdom to be found in the middle of winter, where there is no “how” but to rest in the darkness and allow.

Grief is not sexy.  It’s not a “feel good” emotion or considered “high vibe,” but when we court grief consciously, we can initiate ourselves into even more of what life can offer. It is completely essential to spiritual, emotional and psychological well-being.

Our culture conditions us to fear grief or to ignore it, whereas many other cultures honor the sacredness and necessity of grief in letting go, transitioning, integrating and evolving spiritually.

Grief visits us not only in the moments of death of a loved one, the endings of relationships and jobs and money and living situations, but also in spiritual practice, personal development, recovering from addictions, healing trauma or other psychological work.

Grief is layered, nuanced and complex.  It is far more than “stages” or other ways we try to make sense of the challenging swirl of emotions, thoughts and behaviors that surface.  There is the loss, the relationship you had and also the parts of yourself that were identified with and/or attached.

We are in a time of great change and as we change we must let go of the past and old versions of ourselves.

Grief is the healing balm that honors and supports the deep, deep healing so desperately needed at this time.

Simply make space every day to feel. Thought consciousness would caution you that this is dangerous.  In fact, it is dangerous NOT too.

You don’t need positive affirmations, you need to grieve.

Pushing the grief down, painting over it and getting to the forgiveness and gratitude too soon bypasses something magical.  Our culture thrives on this bypassing.  It runs on the pain and profits from the shame. (The new age may caution you that this is a low vibration experience or to bypass it to be more spiritual.)

Spiritual bypassing and suppressing creates an emptiness that cannot be fed, which leads to so much of the destruction we see here on the planet.  It’s this emptiness that creates so much consumption and addiction, feeling that nothing is enough, that we are “empty.”  Our culture pumps this into the atmosphere.

Grief is revolutionary.  It IS your aliveness and connection to your deepest heart. It is reclaiming the ground of your sovereign self.

Grief is love. It is the holy cry of your heart honoring, loving and longing. This is soul work that connects you with the potent vulnerability of being both human and divine that lands you in the heart within your heart, where you discover the sacred voice of your wholeness that can transform your life.

Grief is initiation. What was is no longer and what will be, who you will become, is not yet evident, clear or tangible. It is not possible to go back, to return to the familiar and yet the edge of what is to be is filled with fog and darkness.

This is an initiation back into the womb of your own soul, your sanity and vitality.


Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a shamanic healer, grief midwife, writer, teacher and soul-whisperer. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from CIIS in addition to spending over 15 years studying and practicing Buddhism, Yoga, meditation, shamanic journey, ritual, energy healing and personal growth. She envisions a world where we feel comfortable in our own skins and are happy about being a human. A world where everyone loves and values themselves as a part of the whole, where self-loathing is an oddity rather than the usual, and the soul’s truth is valued as a gift from the Divine in service of our highest good. Shedding light on the truth of the soul’s story liberates the sacred within to feel comfortable in your own skin. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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