Strength After Abuse: into the Depths of the Dark Goddess. {poetry}


What if it was my shadow, not yours, that I drowned in when we met? Thinking I were the good girl as you titled me, the white witch, and you, the demon prince, the heart thief.

But in reality it is I who am the shadow queen, black of heart, made of ice, unable to face the very things you’re unafraid to hide. These grim features you revealed only to me. The secrets of your wicked personality.

After you dismembered me — mind, body, heart — my entire spirituality, I questioned how I had interpreted the actual reality.

What if I gave you my throne, for you to show me my true shade — gold, and the essence of my soul?

What if I were the princess of darkness, imprisoned in a dark tower all this time? And it was you who came with your light to set me free?

What then?

And so these thoughts had haunted me, as I continued to wander the academy, the School of Hades, receiving round the clock training from all shadow gods and goddesses.

Through sacred charms and the creative arts, I began to heal my broken heart. Still remedying my fatigue from vampiric mastery over my sensitive emotional body.

And then one night I trod towards an unknown path, seeking further answers to soothe my seething wrath. I stopped suddenly in my tracks, sensing a strange enigmatic power. And somehow I knew it was the midnight hour.

I chanced upon an incredible sight. The hairs on my arms and neck rising in fright. How did the path become so cold, narrow and wet? I’m surrounded by nothing but the blackness of deep, heavy waters, like the feeling of when he had left.

Here I recount the rest:

Black Ocean

I miscalculated my step

And sank into a dark portal

An ocean of blackness,

Lost in devastating vastness.

The wings of my white dress

Floated about me like a ghost,

The length of my charcoal hair

Wrapping around my throat.

My arms and limbs

Taken by gravity,

My consciousness half-awake

And half-asleep.

Where are you taking me?

I ask the black water telepathically

She answers with silence,

Elegantly letting me drift

Deeper into her depths.

Strangely I can breathe

As if this sea was cut from me

No discord, no enmity

Rather, a genteel camaraderie.

Smooth and serenely

I’m carried along in harmony

With her quiet authority

Her terrifying abyss

Of infinite nothingness.

My heart misses a beat

Isn’t this feeling familiar?

It’s like meeting a mirror

I have known terror in comfort

But here is a comfort in terror!

Great goddess, why am I here?

To show you your strength

I hear her say.

Available to you night or day.

Sink into your soul

The spark that you had forsaken

For the illusion of fulfilment

My babe, you are already whole.

Come back to me

Into this black sea,

Where you were born

You are not alone.

Remember your origins

This is your grand homecoming

Replenish your energy

In your very own soul.

Do not be afraid to own it all

This inherent power of the Gods,

Both the terror and benevolence

Your own beauty and malevolence

Devi, awaken to your truest Self

The magic and the mystery,

Your ocean’s nature, its glory

Only as you reach the bottom

Will I let you teach what’s forgotten;

Your truth and your perfection

Stripped away by your predilection

Towards man-made fabrications.

As I floated in her twilight waters

I understood her divine lesson.

Silently let it be,

Glide with her through eternity.

Choose her over everything.

There is no chaos or calamity

When I am one with this sea.

No one and nothing has

Any power over me.


Payal Patel is a writer, a Yoga teacher and a martial artist. She provides a warrior training to sensitive souls through online coaching and courses, supporting them through their Shero’s journey and facilitating healing in those seeking to align with their authentic selves and highest vision. Receive her free Warrior bundle to get started. Or book a one-on-one online session here. Join Payal’s private Facebook group Warrior Training for the Sensitive Soul for daily inspiration towards self-transformation and healing. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.


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