An Open Letter to Louis CK: How Can We Heal Our Society?
You can take a deep breath and let it out.
I am not here to hit you with more stones. To tell you how wrong you are, how stupid, how selfish. I am not here to shame you. Nor am I here to pat you on your head and pretend that your prestige and power means anything.
I am here to see you.
This means that I cannot and will not stand by quietly, allowing you to sabotage your life and the lives of countless others. But I will no longer shake my fist at you and pretend that society didn’t set you up for this.
You being the bad guy and the rest of us being so righteously indignant only fuels the gap between us. The gap that keeps you alone and afraid of asking for help and getting real support. Support that could prevent a world of wrongs that can only happen in the dark and behind closed doors.
It was not sex that made you do it. It was the monster you turned it into.
Society betrayed you too. Our hatred of sex, our shame, created a system which taught you it was acceptable to hide, then act out. To bastardize your desire, so nothing is left but repulsiveness.
You were taught that there is something dirty about sex. It was for the bad ones, and you hid that part of yourself down so deep and watched it erupt like a volcano, leaving nothing in its wake.
I hate that every person has to carry around the memory of you near their body.
I hate what you have done, and I hate that we live in a culture that continues to cut you off from its lifeblood, so it is hard for you to remedy your soul.
The more that I put all the blame on you and do not look at how we set you up for this, the more this will continue to happen all over the world.
May I be woman enough to ask the hard questions, to do my work that takes the focus off of you and puts it on prevention.
May I ask this question over and over again:
How can I heal our society? A society which is so broken that the most powerful, vivacious, successful, talented people are often the ones who can create the most egregious sexual pain and suffering?
A society that deems some forms of sexuality acceptable and most of all others unacceptable, forcing many who don’t fit into the norm into obsession and addiction.
What if your sexual hunger, your desire, could have been acted on in a holy way? With consent, kindness, with total regard for your soul and the soul of others? What if you did not have to divorce yourself from your heart, from remembering repercussions, in order to get turned on?
I ask you to move away from egregious guilt. Though society might want you to live in it, it will only cause you to continue harming yourself and others.
I ask that you do not shrug this off and numb it away with more sexual painful acts or other forms of addiction, because that will make the emptiness deeper.
Rather I need you to work on yourself, to admit to getting and needing help. Be openly curious about what you can do to end the victimization that the patriarchy does best.
You are brilliant and hilarious, and I will not pretend that you are not those things and turn you into a monster, because you have done things that a monster would do. For turning you into a predator means that every victim will only ever be a victim, and each comes with its own shaming and binding prison.
Rather I see you as an incredible broken human being, just like everybody else. And the more we all look at ourselves and decide to radically renew our relationship with our sexuality instead of casting stones at you, the more our society will turn into a place of true safety, joy, and sexual satisfaction for all.
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery, which stokes the holy fire within women worldwide. Maria integrates holistic therapies of Yoga, meditation, and dance therapy with her own model of healing that creates breakthroughs quickly. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember their joy. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess Photo Shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.