Shamana: Liberating Herself from the Illusion of Rejection.
“Shamana!” they called to her amidst the dust and the dirt.
Heavy drumbeats pounded into the earth, and she felt her legs and body move in time with the rhythm almost as if it had a life of its own. “Why you cry?” the old woman shouted to her over the loud music. “Do you forget who you are so easily? You are a goddess, my sister. A queen! Why you continue to play so small?” she asked, to which no response came.
At least not straight away… for her feet continued to move, her hips continued to sway, and she continued to breathe in sync with Mother Earth herself.
And as she opened her eyes, she expected to find the remnants of sand and dust, but instead found herself on top of a mountain in the middle of a wintry tundra. She wore fur cuffs like bracelets on her wrists, and she could feel the sack full of arrows she carried on her back. A pack of wolves paced around her legs, offering their loyalty and protection.
She stood tall, shoulders no longer hunched, fingers gripping the bow made of sinew and bone. Her gladiator sandals and fur shoulder wrap kept her warm in spite of the freezing temperature.
“Who am I?” she asked herself.
And in the faintest of breezes, she heard the whisper, “Shamana, warrior spirit.”
And in that moment, she no longer wondered if you’d be back. In fact, she finally understood that maybe you were the one to right her path. Maybe telling her that you did not want her love was exactly what she needed. She began to embrace the truth that her heart was like a wildfire and her spirit could not be tarnished by your lack of vision.
She understood full well that fire could not be burnt, and so instead of hating you, she found a well of gratitude for you. And she knew she would miss you, but she also knew that you’d be lost without her light.
She was guiding you home, but you did not like the warmth she had to offer. She was offering you more light for the dark places, but you didn’t know how to handle it when you got too close and burnt your finger.
See, she wanted you to become the fire with her. She wanted to singe away all your defenses and egoic stories, but she had no idea what she was up against. For your perceived safety was worth more to you than becoming raw and vulnerable with her… than becoming real.
So when you chose to walk away, she cried, she fell, she neither knew what do with herself nor how to pick herself back up. And when they found her, they called out to her in recognition, “Shamana!” And the familiarity of that word was enough for her to plant her feet onto the ground once more and rise up like a phoenix from the ashes.
And the perception she carried that you had hurt her vanished as she liberated herself from the illusion of rejection. She thanked your spirit and called for her guides to help her carry on.
Much more liberated and free than she ever felt in her life. A brave warrior, a goddess, a queen, wrapped in the fur of the wolves, the protection of the cosmos around her and the support of her primordial mother beneath her.
She smirked at the target in front of her, pulled back her arrow, and aimed once more…
… because freedom comes with practice…
… and she has only just begun.
Natalie Sophia is a self-proclaimed writer, healer, yogini. Her mission in life is to heal and be healed. She loves to laugh, to feel and to write. She began her journey of awakening a few years ago, and though there are times she longs to go ‘back to sleep’, she knows she has work to do. Her work and her passion are one and the same, and she hopes to inspire others on their life path to attend to their deepest longings as a soul in a human body. Natalie feels that life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. She knows that pain can be inevitable, but there is always choice in the story created from that pain. Feel free to check out more from Natalie on Facebook or on her website.