archives, you & me

The Truth About Our Abandonment Issues.


I have a hypothesis as simple as my belief in awakening, spirituality, healing, and God’s truth: our abandonment issues are the root of every single problem on this planet.

I think we, as humans, absolutely love to complicate things, to hold on to and facilitate our victim mentality in any way possible, by any means necessary.

What if it really is that simple, that we don’t actually have social problems on this planet?

What if we do not have a gun violence problem? What if we do not have a sexual violence problem? What if we don’t have a hunger problem, a homeless problem, or even a hate problem on this planet?

Then what?

Then we all rise into our full potential, our pleasure, our bliss, our creativity, our divine birthright, our powerful god-selves, and heal the whole of Earth to the nirvana intended by the Divine.

Sounds good, right?

Oh yes, sounds heavenly indeed!

So what is the truth? How do we heal the planet? What needs to be done for us all to stop hurting ourselves and one another?

We have got to heal the abandonment issues on this planet. That is the key.

But here is the missing link: Your mom did not abandon you. Your dad did not abandon you. You lover, your friend, your child, your confidant, even God, did not abandon you.

You abandoned You!

Every single time someone shames us, we separate from a piece of ourselves deeming it unworthy of our own personal love and connection, as well as that of others. We push that part of ourselves aside. We stop loving it and never let anyone else see it. We push it into the dark and pretend it isn’t there.

Every single time we are violated in any way, shape or form, going into survival mode, fight-or-flight, and ultimately surviving, but never returning to, the unexpressed emotions that we pushed down in that life-threatening moment, we abandon a critical part of ourselves.

Every single time a relationship ends and we go out drinking with friends, or dinner and a spa trip, calling those things self-care, we pretend that we’ve moved on, leaving a hurting, suffering part of ourselves unattended and, ultimately, unloved and abandoned.

Reuniting, reconnecting, working through being abandoned by mom will not fix this. Mommy is not the issue. Daddy is not the issue. Friends, lovers, children are never at the core of our abandonment issues.

Only I am at the root of my abandonment issues. The abandonment of self is at the center of my problems and at the crux of every social problem we have on this planet.

We do not have social problems on this planet.

We have 7.4 billion versions of a pain problem on this planet.

And here is how we solve it: Find a qualified inner child therapist and study inner child therapy through books and videos. John Bradshaw, the author of Homecoming and the Father of Inner Child work, created an entire series for PBS on the work. The series is available for free on YouTube.

Begin building the trust of your inner child, and start communicating with it on a daily basis. Re-parent it to a place of healing as it shares the unexpressed emotions of shame, fear, anger, and sadness.

Through visualizations and meditations, return to all the moments of life where the unexpressed emotions live. Feel all the emotions never felt in those times. Embrace the you present in that past scene. Tell that alone part of you that they are safe, how loved he/she is, that he/she will never be alone again, ever, and invite that pushed down piece of you to return back to your full self.

Hold that abandoned part of your self, breathe it in, open your heart chakra and re-integrate it back into the healthy wholeness that is now you.

If another was present in the moment when the abandonment of self took place, in the meditation or visualization, picture your adult self standing in front of the person who hurt, shamed, or violated the piece of you that you abandoned. Re-make the scene. Tell the person, “No! You may not do this to me ever again!”

Replay the event with the adult you protecting the little you, reminding your inner child all the while how loved and safe it is and how nothing like this will ever happen again.

It is only when we forgive ourselves for the pain we caused ourselves by what, still stuck in the pain of our past, we invited and allowed into our personal existence that we can fully heal with complete connection and unconditional love of self.

When we forgive ourselves, forgiveness of others just follows.

When we become whole in our connection to ourselves, healthy connection to other whole people just follows.

When we unconditionally love ourselves, unconditional love of others just follows.

There is no work on this planet aside from the inner work. There are no problems on Earth to solve except what hurts inside each of us.

When we forgive and connect with and unconditionally love ourselves and others, we won’t hurt ourselves or each other anymore.

We will stop hurting each other.

We will stop violating each other.

We will stop killing each other.

We will feed one another.

We will clothe one another.

We will love one another and return the Earth to the peace, love and Nirvana that is the birthright of each and every one of us.

It is time.

It is time to rise, time to heal, time to love ourselves and each other.


Christie Del Vesco is a College Administrator and Professor, a Universalist Minister, a member of the RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) Speakers Bureau and single mom. She’s a children’s advocate, a survivor of many forms of sexual violence, and a voice for the survivors who have yet to find their own. Chris is a firm believer that we go through what we do, to help others when they go through the same. She also believes if we would all just “be the change,” we can change the world.


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