archives, you & me

Spend Less Energy Blaming Someone Else: There’s No Such Thing as ‘Fuckboys’.


World-changer, put down your dagger. Stop wasting your preciousness building fires to burn down the men you call fuckboys.

The men that you create entire organizations, books, and movements against, believing it’s your job to shame them into being better. You are powerful in your hatred and anger, and it limits your creation. You are destroying and attacking in the name of feminism and empowerment, believing that spewing your fury can bring on a new world instead of creating more derision.

Instead of inviting these men or inspiring them to move beyond their limits, you shame them into retreating behind their shells. Rather channel that powerful energy you own into calling out the power in these men, instead of enslaving them with judgment.

Get busy building a whole new world of intimacy, connection, truth, and authenticity, and spend less energy blaming someone for not wanting you in the way you feel they should. Create what you desire by becoming what you desire and wasting less time with that which doesn’t suit your soul.

This begins with focusing on you: meeting your needs and deciding to put them first. Listening to that gut feeling you have when you meet someone, and not ignoring your need for gentleness, stability, kindness.

It means taking your time and saving your sex for those who truly honor you, instead of that which gives you a hint of flattery and desire.

You are powerful, and do not need to demonize those who say No to your needs, who reject you or try to have a connection with you that aligns with their truth. Be woman enough to not resent someone else or make them wrong, rather fully own and understand what you need.

When you are a fully embodied Yes to your deepest soul desires, you no longer need someone to validate it for you, and only have time for that which serves you. You then begin to attract what you need and what you want.

The ownership of who you are allows you to listen to your intuition, to not give someone a chance that you can tell simply does not resonate with you. If you know in your soul this person is not on your level, and then let him into your inner world, why do you blame and hate him for being in alignment with who he is?

Resenting someone for who he is is like being upset that the sky is blue. It is saying, “How dare that sky be blue?” when it was blue before you and will be blue after you, and it is not a personal attack against you or a slam against your worth. You are free to leave at any moment when the connection no longer feels good.

What might occur if you bless and honor the people who do not serve you? If you wave at them with a knowing smile as they leave, instead of clawing at their ankles or sending them toxicity? Blessing the ones who have rejected your heart, knowing that parting is a gift?

The rejection is an opening which allows you to move towards what you truly want, by first knowing the contrast. This rejection and heartache also brings you to the path of knowing yourself.

Falling in love with unavailable people is simply a way of avoiding the places you struggle to love.

By being stressed over someone’s perceived rejection, you do not have to face how you have rejected yourself first: by going to someone for a need they cannot or will not meet.

Take them out of the equation and do not give them so much credit for the progress or failings of your joy.

When you move closer to yourself, you are also attracted to more stable energy. Slowly moving closer to people who want you just as much you want them requires depth, self-awareness, and a willingness to be truly vulnerable in a partnership that has ample emotional space for you. Where hiding or deflecting are not present.

Resist the temptation of hiding in someone else’s approval or disapproval to avoid yourself. Instead, jump full force into seeing yourself and only allowing in deep connection that meets you on your level. You no longer need the chaos and destruction of longing, and now own your right to be met and given exactly what you ask for and more.

Proportional to your constant wholeness and your power, you have to create a whole new world.


MariaPalumbo03Maria Palumbo is a transformation coach. A lover of desire, she reveals the flame within all, and holds space for thriving and creating from a place of pleasure. She teaches freedom from shame and the embodiment of worthiness. You could email her to receive info on her coaching and classes, and follow her work at her website or Facebook.


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Rebelle Society
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