Movement: Conversation with My Higher Self.
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It was one of those days. The kind when you’ve had enough of your own bullshit. The kind when you need a good talking to, even if that talk comes from yourself.
So, I sat down with myself, held nothing back, and simultaneously talked and listened…
***
“You got gas the other day, right?”
“Yes.”
“You went to the grocery store because you noticed the fridge was looking a little sparse, yes?”
“I did.”
“So, tell me, why is it that when something like the gas tank, the fridge, or anything or anyone needs replenishing, you fill whatever or whomever up, so to speak, without giving it a second thought? Have you happened to notice that you are dangerously close to empty and could use some replenishing yourself? And please, for the love of our sanity, skip the bullshit excuses that we both know too well.”
“Is ‘I don’t know how to replenish myself’ an excuse? I can easily do for others, without even thinking about it. It’s built in, automatic. When I think of how to replenish myself, the image of a deer in headlights comes to mind. I’m frozen. My thoughts hit a wall. Nothing follows that thought. So, you tell me, Ms. High and Mighty, what am I to do with this frozen, hitting-a-wall thing?”
“I thought you’d never ask. And you’re damn right I’ll tell you. It’s not as if I haven’t been dropping subtle hints our whole damn life, but I will tell you again. Mainly because I think you’re actually ready and open to receive my, I mean, our wisdom. Get yourself a cup of coffee, get comfortable, and get ready for the truth.
I will also forewarn you that although we are one and the same, I am more blunt, more logical, and less emotional than you. So don’t get your panties in a twist if I say something that you don’t want to hear. You must know that I have our very best interest at heart, and speaking the truth, hearing the truth, is the only way to reach our potential. I will skip the pleasantries and get right to it.”
“Move! Move your ass. Move out of your own way. Move out of your ‘comfort’ zone. Just make a move! Even a tiny one! In any direction! Do you honestly think that anything you desire is simply going to find its way to you while you sit in your holding cell, I mean, your holding pattern where you currently are? See, I told you. No pleasantries, only truth. Now where were we?”
“You were ‘bluntly’ talking about movement.”
“Ah! Thank you! And thank you for paying attention. Yes, movement. Movement is where we begin. Look, we both know we’re quite bright, so I’m not going to waste time explaining atrophy. You’ve been, shall we say, complacent, for a while now, only doing for others, doing almost nothing for yourself.
That’s not to say that there has been no movement, and doing for those you love is a wonderful thing, but it’s not been enough to propel you towards your desires. Any movement is better than no movement, but we both know that you’re capable of doing more than the bare minimum. That’s what you’ve been doing your entire life. Has it gotten you closer to fulfilling your goals? No need to answer. Of course it hasn’t.
Otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this conversation now, would we? Look, I have been here with you every step of the way, hoping that one day you would realize your potential and just get on it already. For some reason, you haven’t ‘gotten on it’. Believe me, I know you want to, but it’s going to take more than ‘wanting to’, more than ‘hoping to’. It takes commitment. Every damn day, whether you feel like moving or not.
You’re not at nature’s mercy. The things at nature’s mercy haven’t a choice, for nature dictates their growth and movement. I know what you’re thinking — ‘nature has it so easy, nature doesn’t have to plan, nature doesn’t have responsibility’ — but you have something that nature doesn’t: choice.
As liberating as it is to know this, you must also know that without movement, choices will be made for you, and more than likely, they won’t be ones that you like. We both know this and have experienced it. Doesn’t feel good, does it? Again, no need to answer.”
“I know I don’t tell you this enough, but I’ve always admired the way you care for those you love. The way you go above and beyond doing the bare minimum to ensure your loved ones’ health and happiness. All I’m asking of you, of us, is to replenish us as well as you do for others. Treat us as compassionately as you would the ones you hold so close in your heart.
It must be the best feeling in the world, to know that we are loved and cared for the way they are. I want and need to feel that, don’t you? I already know your answer. So, love, my simple advice for you, I mean, for us, is to replenish us as often as necessary, to love us as you love others, and of course, to make a move and commit to doing whatever it takes to bring us closer to our potential.”
“Wow. You actually sounded a little sweet there at the end.”
“I can be sweet. I, we, can be anything we want. But remember, I can be blunt as well, so stop smiling, move your ass, and get the fuck on it already!”
***
Jennifer Schaeffer is a word-lover and writer at heart. She especially enjoys writing haiku, but not your ordinary 5/7/5 syllable poem about nature. She finds it quite challenging to capture and convey raw, deep human emotions, and mold it into the 5/7/5 syllable format. She also finds it incredibly satisfying. Jennifer is on a path of self-discovery, deviating from the path that has been laid out before her, courtesy of society. She is well on her way.
***
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