you and me

Surviving the Void: A Tribute to the Healing of the Womb.

 

I love every aspect of my life and those I share it with, let’s get that straight, but there is still a gut-wrenching ache in the depths of my soul and it just won’t seem to loosen its grip on me.

Although every other chamber of my heart is overflowing with love, there is still a chasmic black hole in my heart that all the stars in the universe could not fill. It should be infused with light through self-love, the love reciprocated by those I care for, and inner peace and happiness, yet for some reason I cannot seem to tame the envious beast lurking within.

Perhaps because, like most childless women who yearn to cradle precious life within them, I come face to face on a daily basis with subtle reminders of the one ability I lack — in every family photo taken, every school-bus stop, playground, grocery store, television screen, doctor’s office and inevitably, every other conversation that seems to flow around me.

I am 35 years old, unwed (but engaged) and childless (of my own womb) living in a male-dominant society that propagates marriage and children before the age of 40, while subliminally implying that infertile women are somehow inferior… but I digress.

It is every woman’s sacred birthright to bear the fruit of her womb, but sometimes in life things happen that prevent us from doing so. That does not make us any less of a woman, or any less knowledgeable about how to raise children.

Allow me to reiterate this to those who say “You don’t have kids, so you don’t understand.” — that does not make us any less of a woman, or any less knowledgeable about how to raise children! Seriously, people, there is nothing comparable to telling an infertile woman those words that could ever make her feel more disconnected from womanhood than she already does. So, please don’t say that.

Motherly instincts come naturally to the human species just as they do in the wild, even though we may want to argue that point after witnessing certain behaviors of some women towards their children. Certainly some of us may choose not to have children, and I’m equally supportive of those women as well, but it is a decision that they have made nonetheless.

Then there are those of us childless women who have been physically coerced to forego the idea of bearing children by our bodies who have decided that fate for us. We were stripped of the right and/or ability to choose for ourselves, forcing us to swallow the toxic tincture of emotions that followed, which we then had to learn to digest somehow.

I, like many women, have endured severe sexual trauma, both pre- and post-pubescence, and it has affected me immensely in every way — mind, body and spirit. While navigating the muddy waters of self-healing, I sought shelter in connections with other females who have experienced similar hardships.

Despite their experiences or reasons for not having children, there is one common factor linking us together: the wisdom gained by enduring the pain of living without that which our hearts desire most. Because of these goddesses, I now see the intrinsic value of the womb, the captivating beauty of the divine feminine spirit and the essence of all life itself.

The womb is a not just a sexual organ residing within the reproductive system of the female body. It is the sacred seat of power that links all of humanity to The Great Mother. It is the source of infinite abundance embodying the life-force energy that gives birth to the entire universe.

“When we speak of the womb, we are referring to more than a physical organ within a female body — although this sacred site is brimming with creative magic. We refer also in a greater sense to an energetic, multidimensional portal, a bridge between worlds, that lives within us whether we have a physical womb or not.

For women who have had a hysterectomy, the energetic power and blueprint of the womb remains within; for those in menopause, your energetic wise blood still flows in harmony with the cycles of the moon. Women in their crone phase are the spiritual grandmothers of the tribe, the wise wombs. Men also have a spiritual or energetic womb, which we call the hara.” ~ Womb of Light, Mary Rogers and Anjali Devi

In my quest for closure, I have learned the importance of healing, not only mentally, but physically and spiritually as well, and I yearn to share that knowledge with the world. That may sound slightly strange because my old wounds have obviously healed externally, but internally there is still a mess of unhealed damage that has gone untreated for many decades and it requires my attention.

I am almost certain that the majority of trauma survivors can relate. You see, ladies, our wombs are where the majority of our pain, including the pain that we have inherited from our ancestors, resides. We entomb that toxicity within our bodies, and it grows like a cancer attacking otherwise healthy organs and causing all kinds of issues.

Additionally, when we harbor that pain within by suppressing our rage and tears, we actually inhibit our growth in all facets of life. Although the process of healing past trauma can be utterly painful, it is vital to our well-being to awaken that slumbering beast, accept the lessons it has taught us, and to then permanently evict and prohibit it from returning to cause any further damage.

“Through awakening of the womb we are able to travel back into those places that have disconnected us from our power of gnosis and grounded living. The places that are frozen through trauma of painful experiences can now begin to thaw into rivers of ancient grief. Irrigating our lives with [the] birthright of pleasure, innocent wildness, juiciness, magic and a deeper self-love than any we have ever known.

Self-love is a fertile, pregnant doorway into manifesting true love on the physical realms through relationships. Through our womb imprints we inherit our mother line gifts as well as our pain. When we are cut off from this power center, we cannot access our gifts and instead can stay in loops and replay of generational trauma.

Oh woman, how can I begin to tell you of the sweetness of our fertile nectars, and how they turn barren lands into magical reality and a blossoming gentle power.” ~ Anabel Vizcarra

This process is how we honor our hearts and the blossoming lotus that is the awakened womb.

In learning of the power carried within the sacred space of the womb, my purpose has become abundantly clear, and I know that yours will too. You see, I now realize that, while I may not be able to bring forth life in physical form from my womb, I can bring forth life in other ways equally as beautiful.

I carry within me the spiritual strength and creative energy needed to share the life-changing tools I have discovered with you, my kindred sisters, so that we may restore the balance, vitality and essence of life within ourselves together. So I will continue walking gracefully along my path, carrying within me the torch of light and love to guide others like us home.

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“Much like her hometown of New Orleans, Louisiana, the story of Dena Daigle is truly one of survival. Her words are a testament for those with the strength to persevere, that the beginning of a story will not define its end. Dena was born to be a writer. There is no question about it. She is a woman with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a burning desire for life. She writes with a warrior’s heart and a lover’s passion. Dena Daigle is a powerful voice booming from her poetic words in a society that has long tried to silence women like her. She knows these truths and has made it her mission to share them with the world… one sentence at a time.” ~ Clyde Hurlston. You could contact Dena via her website or Facebook, and procure a copy of her collection of poetry and prose, Scattered Ashes.

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