you & me

Interconnection: Sometimes We Need a Little Help.

 

Sometimes we need help, we just do, and no matter how strong or independent we think we are, surrendering to acceptance (asking for a little help) really does a body good.

It’s okay to ask; it’s courageous, and it can be a lifesaver.

Society has made it clear that when things fall apart, it is weak to seek — weak to seek advice, seek clarity, seek help. We hear it all the time, “Don’t go looking for answers outside the self, everything we need is found inside.” While I subscribe to this mantra for most situations, I also know in my life, when I was crawling around rock bottom, I truly needed a different view.

But when pride is standing sentinel in front of our grief, seeing through a clear lens is virtually impossible. We aren’t able to get inside to the root problem because the protective shield around our vulnerability is made of steel. This is when the fire inside needs to be rekindled and set ablaze so it can do its work.

So, how do we ignite something that is seemingly burnt up?

This isn’t easy, but like the Phoenix, there are unseen embers lying dormant just waiting to rise from the ash. As Rumi muses, “Set your life on fire, seek those who fan your flames.” Meaning: we must locate inspiration from a trusted soul that puts our head straight. A soul that can steer us away from our lowly thoughts, someone who moves us to take action to betterment.

Inner connection is key via great people who encourage us to locate great strength. They are the ones who have our back and pump us up when we are flattened.

Hang out with those people, they know how to caress our pain with a smile and are there for us without judgment. This may be as simple as a voiceless hug, a nod of support, or finding refuge in their presence when we let our deepest fears be heard.

They do all this for us, and while our outer façade seems solitary and unmoving, real work is happening inside because connections are good like that.

And I know how hard it is to ask, but until we are out of our pity, out of our mind, and out of options, we will remain in our misery. I recommend reaching out, just try. I did, and it works. I reluctantly pushed through my self-induced ego and made a call. I extended a shaking hand and they held it. I asked for a tissue to wipe the tears, they gave me one.

I found a shoulder to cry on and a soft place to rest my aching head, and all along I had to remind myself that I was not alone.

If we can understand that asking for help is natural, as natural as we are, it might not be so hard to seek it out of the realm of possibility to receive it. Remember, just as a tiny seed, we truly need all the elements — soil, rain, and sun (i.e. our friends and family) — to sustain us and help us grow, and it is okay to accept their nurturing without a fuss.

So, we don’t need to play the courageous victim going it alone, and we don’t need to think we are a burden (that comes out of ego/pride). Those things are so transparent and deplete our energy.

What we simply need sometimes is to show our layers, shed our armors, and show just how much we need to be saved. Just ask. Connect and ask for a match to light the fire within. This is a direct line to healing through interdependence and disconnecting from a theory of bull-headed isolation. Sometimes we need a little help, and sometimes it takes a tribe.

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Debbie Lynn is a mother, grandmother, artist, writer, dancer, yogi, seeker of the soul, rock climber, rock collector, and has been known to run with scissors. She realized at a very young age that the outer reality was a far cry from her inner truth, and meeting her inner wisdom head on always turned into a challenge. The wonderment, curiosity and hypocrisy of life led to exploration and a cumulative documentation (art and journaling) of what she lovingly calls ‘the purge’. It is her way of ridding any negative energy from the daily grind. She says, “In essence, it is a way to start fresh and cleanse the soul.” Debbie has had numerous articles published in Elephant Journal, The Edge Magazine, Sail Magazine, Cruising Outpost, and is now a featured columnist at The Tattooed Buddha . Her daily posts can be found on Facebook.

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