archives, you & me

The Dark Nights of My Soul.


The Dark Night of the Soul is a term to describe a prolonged period of emotional and spiritual desolation in which there is seemingly no consolation.

Usually, at first, there is a sense of loss or betrayal, but after some time, should you surrender to the process, the suffering becomes transformed into a spiritual gift of pure gold.

A true Dark Night of the Soul leaves a lasting impact on you — it changes you completely. When you exit a Dark Night, you will discover that something has been taken away from you and lifted from your shoulders.

I believe I have experienced two Dark Nights. The first one was only a taster, a baby version of what was to come, whereas the last Dark Night felt like I had been snatched by a strong-willed and relentless crocodile who was determined to take me down into the cold, black water with no hope of escape.

I choked, I spluttered. I gasped for air. But there wasn’t any. There was only pain, only suffering, and the sense of an ever-growing isolation. I felt abandoned by God, abandoned by life, and abandoned by myself. There was nothing I could do, but writhe in agony and pray, begging and crying out for relief. But relief does not come. That is what makes a Dark Night a Dark Night.

It is meant to last for a long time, so the soul can descend down and down and down, into the dark matter of unconscious debris, trauma and wounding.

Finally, one morning I noticed a tiny little shaft of light on the inside and I knew it was me. It was the version of me I recognized from childhood. It was gentle, pure and kind. This presence nourished me and helped me rebuild my confidence. And this little light grew and grew and grew until it became a golden heart of pure passion and power.

And now, I know for sure, God does not abandon us, (S)He only looks away, so we are able to see beyond Her/Him.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ~ Khalil Gibran

A Dark Night is not a period of depression or fatigue. It is an alive and kicking spiritual death process. It could emerge because of a material loss, like a bankruptcy, divorce, terminal illness or loss of a loved one, that will eventually break into the realms of the spirit as you plunge into existential crisis. And this is very good, because now we are in the terrain of a genuine spiritual transformation.

To summarize, here are seven signs that together signify we may be going through a Dark Night of the Soul:

* You feel a deep sense of sadness, which often verges on despair (this sadness is often triggered by the state of our life, humanity, and/or the world as a whole).
* You feel an acute sense of unworthiness.
* You have the constant feeling of being lost or condemned to a life of suffering or emptiness.
* You possess a painful feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness.
* Your will and self-control are weakened, making it difficult for you to act.
* You lack interest and find no joy in things that once excited you.
* You crave for the loss of something intangible, a longing for a distant place or to return home again.


Anaiya Sophia is an independent mystic of an almost forgotten faith, author of seven books, and a teacher of Kundalini Yoga. She carries an Oral Transmission from the Sacred Feminine Mysteries which she weaves into all her work. Anaiya lives in the Occitan region of Southern France with her beloved husband Pete Wilson. Together in union with the land, they take people on their own Grail Quest into an immersive interaction where an initiation by the Feminine Principle is almost always guaranteed. They run a B&B where individuals and small groups can come and stay. Anaiya can conduct baptism, marriage, divorce and death rite ceremonies.



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