studio 69

Sixty, Sexy and Sensual: On Peeling Away Silly Notions.

 

When I was eight, a man yelled at me from a passing car, “Wow, when you grow up, you’re gonna be a sexy little thing.”

It was a little too early in life to appreciate his astute observation.

Fast forward to an early teen virgin marriage, 20 years of the just endure it sex that the family-women told me was the love, honor and obey part of the marriage contract. No idea about any other form of sex plus the good little Catholic girl rigidity added up to 20 years of how many ways can a wife avoid her wifely duties and still qualify for his Social Security.

Then an eight years younger, Number One lover came along with his box of Kama Sutra sex books. I thought he was from another planet. My 20 years of sex faded out of my life easily. Out of allowing the power of that creative energy, another human being entered the world. It was an initiation into the secret powers of creative energy only women can possess.

12 sexless years followed, as mothering became the main focus.

I was resigned to that sexless life with absolutely no regrets. It simple seemed like that is as good as it gets.

Floating into my 60’s, I moved to Mexico.

A 20 years younger Mexican/American I hired to accompany me to dance clubs turned out to the most sensual mover I had ever danced with. Dirty dancing was a whole new concept, and on that walk home a new awakening began. A month later, we were living together. And as I was attempting to teach him the sophistication of Kama Sutra, he showed me, for the first time, sex in its most basic form.

All the good girl Catholic cultural training went into the trash, along with all the spiritual potentials of sex. I discovered sex for the pure human pleasure that it was.

Suddenly sensuality was back in my vibe. Men hit on me regularity. I had developed the sexy-little-thing body the man saw in the eight-year-old. I loved my body and dressed it in a way that pleased me.

Lover Four came along. He had implied an interest in me for four years, but I suspected he was married and I was involved with Lover Two and working on Lover Three. When all settled down in my life, there he was again with his great romantic lines, and yes, he was married with two small children. He made no attempt to hide this fact.

He simply described the cultural propensity of Mexican men to adore women who are sexy. Now in my 60’s, I get that sexy little thing. I own it and I live it as who I am. I am sexy not for anyone else, just me.

Lover Four and I did not speak the same language. And that was an additional hurdle for me. I had to take a hard look at my cultural conditioning once again. Truth was constantly shifting. He asked if I wanted to make love in a secret place and in a way I had never considered proper. I was surprised when my instant response was, “We do whatever you want,” and I went to meet him in the secret place.

No regrets. Another layer of silly notions was just peeling away.

When I tried to convince him of my age, I realized by the puzzled look on his face that he could not conceive of what I had just said. In his mind, it would have to be an error in translation. When I examined my motives in such silliness, I saw that I again had cultural prejudice with age. He perceived only my youthful 50-ish energy as well-matched to his.

Why was I trying to convince him I was married the year he was born, after we had just hiked into a challenging ravine to make love in a very strenuous way?

Finally, now into my 60’s, I have come into my fullness, my creative energy, and I feel more alive and grateful to these incredible lovers than any other time of my life. I love me even more than I could ever conceive of because I had the courage to open, the courage to explore, and the courage to be me.

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Mariosa is a performing artist who lives in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. You could contact her at Danza Vida.

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