Detaching from Detachment.
I have been told by a wise intuitive that I am here to teach others about detachment, however, in order for me to do so, I have had to be schooled by life to learn how to do it myself.
I am not the best at letting go, and yet I am. On the surface, I am generally calm, pragmatic and logical. I give clear advice to those who need it, and if my life is thrown into chaos, I am able to pick myself up and keep my life together in a way that most people can’t. I am not certain if this is an indication of detaching. But I do know, beneath the surface come waves of chaos. Most people do not see this side of me.
My partner barely knows my inner struggles, and half the time I don’t either, until the storm has actually passed and I feel like the clouds have lifted.
We do display what and who we want to to the world. Keeping in the side of ourselves that is vulnerable. Keeping it safe whilst it has its tender moments and inner meltdowns. I don’t believe this is a bad thing, so long as you are able to ask for help when you need it or when you get too caught up in a negative inner narrative. For me, I call it cocooning.
It is about self-preservation whilst avoiding alienation by those closest to you. It isn’t pretending life is okay, but it is dealing with your shit yourself. Facing the too and fro of a million thoughts and ideas, otherwise known as processes, to get you to the end goal of letting go. Too often we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by the processes, and that’s when we lose our way.
You are not a machine, but a lot of what you do mentally can be like one. We are more calculating than we think. We are capable of overcoming anything if we put our minds to it. The issue with detaching is, of course, emotions. The feelings.
Feelings are a funny but wicked thing. With these feelings, we build expectations. Expectations of supposed outcomes of scenarios and how people should react or behave. None of which we have control over.
I am all for using your heart to speak to yourself intuitively when it comes to making decisions in your life, but not if your heart has been corrupted by feelings of nostalgia or a situation that has long since passed you by. Then you are just going to get yourself hurt further, and stuck in a loop of the very situation you are trying to detach from.
People seldom change. If you are trying to detach from a relationship from your past, you must always remember why it didn’t work out. Whilst it’s easy to remember the bad in people, if they are not part of your life anymore, it’s just as easy to forget the bad.
I don’t believe people come into your life to punish you though, they are lessons. You don’t keep going back to school once you have graduated, do you? So why go back to a lesson you needed to move on from. In my case, I don’t like making enemies. I form deep bonds with people. I have at least 20 women in my life whom I regard as sisters. Not just friends, but actual unrelated sisters.
It becomes very hard for me to detach from people I encounter, even if it is for my own good. I guess it boils down to my deep fears of abandonment. A common issue most kids in society grow up having these days. In my case, most likely caused by the loss of a parent at a young age. An issue I revisit and deal with again and again. I don’t want to be abandoned, and so, in my true form, I battle to abandon others.
So it really boils down to changing my inner dialogue. Replacing the feeling of abandoning others with the idea that they are going to be just fine without you, you are not the keeper of the world’s people. Further bringing you to the idea that not being in control of every detail will not end the world.
You see, we are not such simple creatures. We require constant tinkering and adjusting. Self-reflection, self-assessment of your thoughts. Awareness of self. All extremely vital in our evolution. It isn’t that we are not doing the work, that the same problem arises each time. It’s quite the opposite.
The problem is a deep one, and in order to flush out all the dust that remains on that inner issue, we need to address it as and when it is discovered. It’s not just one compartment in our minds or hearts that you empty out. It’s caught in all different parts of our essence, and we uncover it as we evolve in our growth process.
When you are out of the thick of the crap of detaching, letting go, etc., you start to see it as an ebb and flow in life. It goes and then comes back.
Sometimes I just roll my eyes in these scenarios, whereas before I used to get quite upset that I was back at what I thought was the same space, completely disregarding how far along I had gone on my journey. How much work I had done on myself and how much more I had grown.
So the best thing to do is to detach from detaching. The best way to detach from a past situation that hurt you is to work on yourself. Find love in all that you do and all those you encounter. Even those who have hurt you. They are probably caught up in their own stuff and you are judging them for that. Nobody made you judge and jury, so just focus on you.
Treat others as you want to be treated, don’t retaliate, just be authentically you. Be the good you want out of life. It takes time, but this way of living heals all the stuff inside you that you need healed. The more you work on yourself, the more you are rewarded, the more you can give back to others. And so the cycle of life goes. Life is detachment essentially. Let it flow in its own time.
Genna-Wae Webster is the creative mind behind the clothing brand Wae West. She was named after a character played by Priscilla Presley on Dallas, Genna Wade. She is a free spirit, a lover of furry beings (especially her cats) and believes in existing within the positive realm when it comes to how she lives her day-to-day life. Commercial clothing and costume design have been her passion since her early teens. Unicorns, mermaids, fairies and all things fantastical inspire her. Collecting superhero things, My Little Ponies and shoes get me excited. Getting lost in movies and TV is what she does for escapism from life. Being involved in helping others with guidance wherever she can is also a big part of who she is. She never tires of talking, and fights for the underdog with a strong will, big ideas and bold opinions. Yoga is how she keeps fit, and doing photo shoots for fun is how she grows in confidence by putting herself under the very uncomfortable spotlight. She believes that facing your fears and being authentically You, no matter what people think, is how life should be lived, and living in a state of unconditional happiness is how you maintain a positive mindset.