Try to Know the Person You’re Connecting With.
Dear social media friend whom I’ve never met,
Thank you for sending me a friend request. I’m happy to expand my network and my perception.
Some things I want to make clear before we get to know each other.
1. I will not marry you. This should seem obscure, but I’ve been proposed to numerous times by people I’ve had one or two texting conversations with. Actually, it has nothing to do with me. I don’t know, maybe they want a US citizenship?
2. I will not move money around for you. People will say, “I need to trust you.” And my response is that there is no reason to. We don’t know each other, so don’t ask me for anything that requires your trusting me. They ask anyway. Their cousin’s boyfriend’s mom needs to get money to their nephew, but they are too busy. Will I give my bank account number, so she can deposit the money into my account and I can forward it to them? I’m not exaggerating!
3. Flattery and charm irritate me. If I believed everything some of these people type to me, I’d be more arrogant than Narcissus. Baby, love, beautiful, honey, dear, even poetry, it’s as enduring as sandcastles.
4. I will not send you money. As a single mother, in California no one would consider me for monetary support. People here know that I would spoil my son, or save for his education, and not even consider their financial situation. Also, I’ve heard so many reasons of need, each one more desperate than the other. I can’t tell what’s true and what’s manipulation.
5. I will not be your girlfriend. Sometimes I get to connect with someone that I don’t expect to ever meet in person. The conversation is lovely. I enjoy this person’s perception. The experiences, thoughts, and feelings they share expand my mind. I am very grateful for this, but it’s still too shallow for me to consider as a possibility for romance.
6. I will not buy you a phone. Why do so many people ask me this? Do I look like I have a bunch of phones lying around? I use my dad’s old phone when he replaces his. The technology is older, but hey, it works and I’m keeping it out of the trash a little longer. If I’m not willing to buy a phone for myself, I’m definitely not willing to buy a phone for someone I’ve spent, at most, 45 seconds on some messenger app.
7. I will not send you anything nude. And I feel very protective of the kids who have to learn how to say no to this request. Just don’t ask. Respect people, like they’re your niece or son or mother or brother.
8. I’m not offended if you call me names. When I refuse the above listed, I’ve been called heartless and insensitive. I can’t even count how many times I’ve been called a bitch. Remember, I choose to perceive myself without considering your judgment.
If you make it to the end of this disclaimer and can laugh with me about it, then I am very happy to start a conversation. If you’re offended, I’m really not sorry. Your response or reaction helps me better know who I’m connecting with. Because, so far, I haven’t blocked anyone. I never know where the connection leads, but I am aware of how I perceive you.
From, the little profile photo of my smiling face
Christy Kirsch lives in California, and doesn’t mind if you judge her. When she’s cranky, time in the garden with her strawberries, chocolate mint and poblano chilies usually sets her straight, so does a swim in the Pacific Ocean. She has some short-short stories at Magic Theatre.