archives, wisdom

Live from Wholeness, and Allow Your Heart to Break Open.

Our goal is not to be happy all the time.

Our goal is to be whole. To live from wholeness. To experience every emotion with depth and curiosity for the way it moves in us, shapes us and reveals to us the authentic, vulnerable and complete beings we are and have always been. From this space, we move forward into our lives connected to our self, with more space to breathe and witness life, and with more clarity of vision.

We make choices that are aligned with a deeper sense of purpose, we access compassion for ourselves and others.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that stresses the illusion of happiness at all costs. We’ve been taught that to feel sadness or grief, fear or anger, is negative and therefore a bad emotion that we want to avoid, when really these emotions are simply indicators, tools that we get to use to deepen our awareness of ourselves.

The goodness or badness that they contain within them is only attributed to the meaning we give it.

We are taught, however, that if we feel sad, we are somehow inadequate. Big Pharma wants us to believe we need a magic pill to feel happy, certain spiritual teachers want us to transcend our emotions, and the multi-billion dollar consumer world sells us material things to distract us from any suffering. Everyone is preying on this goal of happiness.

And so our world numbs out: drugs, alcohol, television, sex, shopping and even meditation can be used to try to escape ourselves when what we are feeling doesn’t feel good enough.

However, these suppressed emotions will continue to show up over and over again in your relationship with yourself (the way you see and speak to yourself, what you believe about yourself), with others, and with the world. They will manifest as addictions, radical behaviors that don’t really feel like you. And, at times, these buried emotions and this level of suffering can actually lead to violence.

The way to experience true joy, connection and wholeness is to move through it, to give yourself permission to feel everything. Until you allow yourself to be present with what is honestly alive inside of you, you will never truly know yourself. And this takes great courage.

Tibetan Buddhist Pema Chödrön says: “Let the hard things in life break you. Let them affect you. Let them change you. Let these hard moments inform you. Let this pain be your teacher. The experiences of your life are trying to tell you something about yourself. Don’t cop out on that. Don’t run away and hide under your covers. Lean into it.”

There is, indeed, a joy that is untouched by circumstances. When we live in this space of joy, we can hold our grief, sadness, pain, fear, in a way just as holy as our happiness. It is all here for us. It is all part of our experience, to be honored and welcomed in and finally, fully received with the gift of awareness and freedom that it brings.

Do not deny yourself anything. Do not run away or bliss it away or transform it too quickly. Savor it. For life is not only a creative process, it is also a destructive one, and both of these energies are here in service to your growth and evolution.

So be willing to allow your heart to break open, if this is what is here for you. Be grateful and feel this deeply. When you open your door and give yourself fully to every experience, you will find yourself on the path of authentic joy and profound love. And with this love, our roots grow deeper, our branches grow stronger and we blossom into the fullness of who we are meant to be.



Val Silidker, MS, BCC, is co-founder/director of Psychospiritual Coaching Institute and founder of Inspired Life Workshops. She is a deep ecologist, evolutionary activist, author, event producer, nationally board-certified mindset and leadership coach, and coach-trainer. Val works with change-makers, emerging leaders and visionaries to inspire the highest level of mindset, connection and creativity in their lives. Through mindful living events, workshops, retreats and coaching, she has inspired the transformation of thousands of people over the past few decades. Val is passionate about cosmology and rewilding our hearts, and believes that through love and connection we are inspired into sacred action toward a more compassionate and whole world. Connect with Val via her Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.


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