Fists & Tears: Where Do the Divine Feminine and Masculine Live in You?
“The Divine Feminine is an immeasurable and limitless Essence that cannot be known only with the mind. To write a book about the most indescribably indescribable and infinitely infinite of energies would be like attempting to put all of the light of the universe into one small box. It simply cannot be done.” ~ Renee Starr
A great yawn escapes and presses against the sky as humanity shifts, stirs from its slumber. We are waking now, curious to the deficiencies in our awareness, the blind spots over our shoulders.
We are wondering how to invite Her back in. The Divine Feminine has been here with us all along, but Her presence has been repetitively denied, concealed, and rejected. Without realizing it, a wall was erected within us, the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine principles separated and estranged from each other.
As part of the radical practice of supporting the co-humanity of women, men, and those with no assigned gender, we are all being tasked with better understanding how these principles meld our world into being. By their nature they are hard to pin down — active and receptive essences that elusively flow through everything.
When we gather our Woman spirit and our Man spirit, we see that we have the capacity for aggression and gentleness, fists and tears, tenderness and great strength. We all do. The truth is that any quality that has been assigned to one gender can also be found in its opposite.
So I offer you no tidy limitations, just encouragement to listen deeper within yourself. Intangible and mysterious, the best way to understand these principles is to stop trying to engage in exacting definitions and to instead feel into how they live in your body, in all of their swirling complexity.
Activating my feeling self, I ask now: Where does the Divine Feminine live in me? And I feel in response….
A golden, fluid vibration spreading through my energy system and into my heart, her presence lives in the dark, nonverbal and mysterious abyss of space and my sacred connection to the cosmos.
In all her being-ness, I can feel myself floating, trusting, receiving and accepting.
She swims in the deepest depths of my pupils and the darkest limits of the ocean.
She lives in the lowest string of the cello, the black of the new-moon sky, the blood, sweat, tears and snot that escape my body.
I find her in the rejected, the earthy mud, the thick peat, and in the decomposing nourishment of a fallen tree.
She guides our every developmental phase, floating within the marrow of our bones, forming the wellspring of our longevity, whispering truthfully to our gentle disintegration.
She is there at all of our transitions, including our slipping into sleep every night and our great release at death.
She lives in the energy of a room with black-out shades on the hottest day of summer, her cool caressing my skin.
She wraps her arms around me as I feel the claustrophobic crush of the darkest night of the year.
And she lives in me when I become a sponge to goodness, joy and bliss, worthy of receiving so much beauty into my cells.
In turn I ask myself: Where does the Sacred Masculine live in me? And I hear echoed back:
Laughter! A life of smiling, dancing, jumping, running, moving, and doing.
He lives in the pop of the sun finally pushed past the horizon line, shockingly golden and red.
He dances on the tops of afternoon waves, causing the light to flicker and jump in silver sparkles.
He is the quiver of a bow, the vibration and pulse and the sound wave in my ear.
He fuels the spark that triggers ovulation, the sudden release of an egg from a follicle. He lives in the horse that gallops down the beach, all flexing muscle, hair whipping in the wind.
In my body he grows within my strong legs, my sun-loved hands, and my quick mind.
He is the push of blood in my veins and the awesome power of my heart pumping its way through each and every day.
He celebrates the stretch of my fascia, muscle and sinew as my flesh gets taut and turned on.
He lives in the opening of my eyes every morning, my consciousness blinking on, the miraculous greeting of a new day.
He activates by how I engage and touch others, how I give and share my inner light.
Pause now to feel the overlap, the junction points where there is a harmonious weaving of both the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine. When we follow the roots of each of these essences down past the surface level, into the mysterious underworld, we find that their root systems are mixed and knitted, having grown into a tangled mass that lives as one.
And now we might ask: Where do the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine join as one?
They live in the pulling of oxygen into our lungs. Rest, pause, now exchange. Then breathe all the way out. Receiving and giving.
They live in the way a bee is always moving, buzzing and working, but will stop to delight in receiving the aromatic promise of sweet nectar. Active and inactive.
They live in the way a dolphin can keep one half of its brain in a resting state, while the other half is conscious, always looking for more fish. Awake and asleep.
They live in the mighty strength of the uterus to hold, nourish and grow a baby, until the mad rush comes and there is a powerful ejaculation to push that baby out. Seed and bloom.
As you slow to listen and experience the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine within you, greet these sacred energies with curiosity and respect. Drop the exacting labels and stay open to the grey areas. Let the interweaving of their interconnectedness seep into your perceptions.
Search through the eyes, hearts, and guts of both the Divine Mother and the Sacred Father for deeper healing throughout your life.
Kendra Ward is a writer/teacher/healer, braiding these roles like sweetgrass to wear as a crown on her head. She stirs a black cauldron that holds her loves of energy medicine, eco-spirituality, and shamanism. She is currently finishing her first book, Mystic’s Revolution: Freedom in Feminine Confidence, taking your inner rebellion into the outer world. For the last 15 years, she has taken joy in her work as an acupuncturist and herbalist, in mossy Portland, OR. Learn more about Kendra at her website, or connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.