you and me

Discovering the Attributes We Empaths Need in Our Lovers.

It can take empaths a long time to identify, recover from, understand, and integrate a lifetime of unintentional absorption, which may cause a psycho-spiritual and neurological overload.

It can take years for us to be able to tolerate the stimulation of intimacy — emotionally, sensationally and sexually — on a regular basis, and we may need partners who can support us through empathic overload, in some way, shape or form.

Our lovers, spouses, partners and other loved ones may be able to help best by allowing us to follow the protocol we have discovered for ourselves without interference. We can ask them to give us space, privacy or solitude without drama, hurt feelings or misunderstandings.

Our loved ones can support us as guardians who deflect others from interfering. Or perhaps it may be helpful for some empaths, particularly during overload or collapse, for our partners to check in with us every few hours to make sure we do not forget to eat or drink for too long.

In a true empathic crisis, we may need our partners to be strong enough to hold us through a meltdown without becoming reactive or trying to fix us in our important expression of pain, or give us the privacy we want if that is what works best for us.

Many empaths need time to build up endurance within a romantic and sexual relationship. We may sometimes experience the deep-down thoughts and feelings of our lovers and mistake them for our own.

Wailing, crying, screaming, dancing, sleeping, prayer, and solitude can all bring us more clarity and help us realize that we are having a thought, sensation and/or emotion that is not part of us. A new, negative fixation that has either never been there before, or resolved a long time ago.

There are huge amounts of genetic information in the transference of DNA via sexual fluids. For empaths, especially for those with psychic bleed-through, we may discover elements of our lovers’ nature that disturb or frighten us, like their ancestral lode, a violent lineage, or strange gifts that come with a price.

Empaths may do well to seek out conscious partners with enough life experience, complimentary temperament, and shared awareness, with an ability to respond appropriately to our gifts and all that comes with them.

Women have long been burdened with emotional labors for countless others on a regular basis, without recognition of this laborious, constant and ongoing work. There is a collective pattern in which women are expected to process their spouses’ trauma and emotions with reciprocation being manifested in other ways.

For empaths, this can be a very complex issue that prevents us from having sufficient opportunities to learn and integrate with long-term lovers.

With every earnest, non-escapist attempt empaths make to unite in a healthy romantic union, we get to discover where our boundaries are, the attributes we need in our lovers, the ones that will never work, how to recognize who is good for us and who is not, who brings out the best and most stabilizing compliment to who we are, and who destabilizes and interferes with our recovery-of-self missions.

It’s okay to determine that having a full-time lover may be too much right now.

It’s okay to say No to sex and touch that feels too overstimulating sometimes, without guilt or shame.

It’s okay to break up with someone who is not right for you.

It’s okay to be broken-up with, and not go to extremes of emotions that wrack us with unnecessary suffering.

It is no failure. It is an opportunity to learn, integrate, and choose again.

Better. Stronger. Aligned. Ready.

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Alison Nappi

Alison Nappi

Alison Nappi is the creator of The Wildness Deck; she is a writer, a creative consultant, and spiritual teacher coaching Wild Women back to the arts of creation and embodiment through ceremony, creativity, and oracular feats of wildness and wonder. When she splits off from the pack, you may find Alison howling at the moon through a thick canopy of trees, singing songs with trumpeting daffodils, or dancing her embodied prayers around a campfire, mud in her hair. Like Alison on Facebook or send an email to be added to her mailing list.