archives, you & me

The Creative Capacity of Grief.

Grief is the first emotion felt upon entering the world.

It lives inside the baby’s wail upon separation from union with Source, from being held in the womb of creation, fed through the umbilical chord attached to the whole universe. Everything experienced in sensory waves, in the union everything is Source washing over itself in different ways.

We spend most of our lives, consciously or unconsciously, trying to find our way back to this union, to repair this wound of separation while delegating grief to the more obvious times of death, loss and transition.

Grief lives inside the very cells of our human ancestry.

It is the bridge towards union within ourselves — union with our soul, union with nature and others, union with life. It is the way back home released layer upon layer when we learn that grief is the energy that breaks us open and releases the tensions held from wounds of the past, beneath fears projected onto the future that are merely unmetabolized pain bits from the past.

Meeting inner father wound, grief is the balm that creates a healing bond with a different kind of inner masculine. Meeting inner mother wound, grief is the balm that creates a healing bond with a different kind of inner feminine. Meeting inner child, grief is the balm that creates a healing bond with a different kind of innocence.

Meeting the inner wounded ones cast aside, dark or light, creates a different experience of conscious relationship to self.

It is no accident that grief is the first emotion that we feel.

It’s also the first emotion that is shut down, locked away, prevented from flowing in so many ways. It gets us stuck in familiar grooves where we become habituated, sometimes even addicted, to painful cycles because the capacity to grieve was not nourished.

We borrow grief rituals from other cultures and forget that these cultures also make a daily space to feel grief, to let go of the day, to mourn the pains felt in the day, forgive what needs forgiving and allow the heart to unburden itself.

Grief is intense and wild, unpredictable and raw, gentle and loving, and always brings us to a new place. It is the alchemy that recreates us over and over and over again, with every addiction we face, trauma we deeply heal, depression that is recovered, anxiety that is relaxed.

Grief is a healing balm. It is the healing itself.

Courting grief isn’t simply understanding a grieving process or that grief happens when there is death and loss, divorce, breakups and obvious life transitions. It also has a hold on the realms of relationships, the space between where aspects of us get forged in connection but that connection  disappears, and on the infinitude of layers within our hearts that shed, bringing us more wholly into the realm of the soul.

We are fluid, our selves always changing and being recreated in the fires where grief forges us through love and light, melts the resistance, and makes us feel more alive, more free, stronger, and ready to be with joy in its depths and heights. For we cannot truly experience joy if we fear it breaking our hopes more deeply open to the vast preciousness of life.

Make time for your heart every day. Make time to feel all the little griefs at the end of the day. Make space to listen to the call of the wild within that pulls you back into the cycles of nature residing in your bones. Make space to be human.


Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a shamanic healer, grief midwife, writer, teacher and soul-whisperer. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from CIIS in addition to spending over 15 years studying and practicing Buddhism, Yoga, meditation, shamanic journey, ritual, energy healing and personal growth. She envisions a world where we feel comfortable in our own skins and are happy about being a human. A world where everyone loves and values themselves as a part of the whole, where self-loathing is an oddity rather than the usual, and the soul’s truth is valued as a gift from the Divine in service of our highest good. Shedding light on the truth of the soul’s story liberates the sacred within to feel comfortable in your own skin. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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