A Love Letter to Fears We Carry Within.
There’s this urgent voice within all of us.
Sometimes it’s a quiet whisper that’s too scared to ask too loudly out of fear that someone might answer it powerfully and convincingly. So long as we hide, we don’t have to address it or risk dismantling the lunacy of this fear.
As long as we can hang on to the belief that this fear is real and dangerous, we don’t have to approach it because safety is important. Just stay quiet, be ordinary, don’t stick out, and whatever you do, hide your brilliance at all costs. Let no one see what you’re made of.
Other times this question is disgustingly condescending and terrifying. Our cortisol production is an all-time high and it overwhelms our nervous system. It’s a wonder we can even function, and to make day-to-day life manageable, desperate acts are taken. Distraction, drugs, sublimating, anything and everything can be turned into a crutch.
The more aggressive the distraction, the better because it has to compete with this vicious voice that’s terrorizing you.
We can’t stop, not even for a second. Don’t give the voice a chance to catch up to you. Let’s party and drink it away. Shake it off and repeat.
This repetitive act starts to drown out this voice and the source of why this voice even exists becomes a distant memory. You slowly start to disconnect from who you truly are, and this shell of a human, emptied of your essence and the strategically crafted life you built, replaces what you once were, what you still are deep inside of you that’s still secretly trying to crawl back into existence.
That voice that diligently asks “What if I fail humanity?” is that evidence of your true self trying to return to you.
You’re scared shitless of failing humanity, because deep inside of you, you know that you have so much to offer. You’re made out of the same magic that touches so many lives, and you can taste a hint of what that’d be like. As vague as this awareness is, you have it, and the idea that you can’t offer anything close to that devastates you. You’re burdened by all the people you’d fail after giving it your all.
To experience or even contemplate the idea that you’re not enough is painful, and you want to avoid it at all costs. You want to close your eyes from it all, but you can’t, because that’s not your calling and one day you’ll have to face this reality.
The life you’ve so masterfully cultivated is falling apart, and you can feel it. The illusions are breaking down, and you want something more. Richer, more embodied, you miss yourself, and no one and nothing can ever fulfill that emptiness within you. You’re no longer satisfied with choosing a temporary solution for a long-term problem.
You may still be scared, and that’s okay. You may still feel the heaviness of paralysis, and you’re not even ready to move like a sloth. That’s okay too. You’ve made way more progress than you realize. You’ve already admitted to yourself and to people you can trust that you wouldn’t be living your life this way if you answer your calling. This calling that still, at times, feels clouded and uncertain.
You’re starting to refrain from jumping all in, and you’ve become a more careful observer. Your standards are rising, and as they continue to do so, you’ll re-integrate with the lost parts of you that have been patiently waiting to reunite.
And to answer your burning question, it’s literally impossible to fail humanity. Humanity is a collective group of everyone you help. And by merely existing, by being you, you help in some way every single person you interact with in a microcosmic scale that touches the collective consciousness one person at a time. You literally cannot fail humanity.
Even at your worst, you offer so much. You show more compassion and kindness to strangers than most people show their loved ones. You may never know this significance, because as humans, we’re not designed to understand our own magnificence, and for you, being you is mundane but nothing about you is mundane.
I refuse to entertain any part of your delusions that’s still hanging on to this belief that there’s still a possibility that you can fail humanity. This is a self-invented fear that can feel more real than anything else in the world. That’s just more proof that your delusions have to be so powerful to compete with what you’re made of.
I can’t reveal the fallacy of this fear for you, and you may never be able to shake it. I don’t know a single human being who has, and maybe we’re not meant to. Maybe our fears are also our allies, and instead of resisting them, we can recruit them.
Let me assure the part of you that still doubts: there’s nothing you can fuck up so badly that you can’t recover from it. Personally, I believe in failures. I believe in mistakes. I also believe they’re some of the best things that can happen to us.
So let yourself screw up and be consumed by it until there’s nothing left, because within that darkness, the answers you’re seeking will appear because you have to sink so deeply into yourself to find it. And that’s assuming you decide to go down the rabbit hole. You don’t have to.
You’re brilliant. You’re so tapped in. You don’t have to consciously have all the answers. It’d actually be a red flag if you did. When you’re creating something you’ve never done before, you don’t have the answers to the unknown. Not consciously. And if you did, you’d just be recreating the same crap.
The fact that you don’t know how to do something that’s being designed right now in real time is a good thing. It means you’re on the right path.
Too many people mistake not knowing as a premonition of inevitable failure when it’s actually signs of success blooming. Enter into the unknown, the deeper crevices of uncertainty. Go toward where your mind says I have no idea what’s going on, and then delegate to your subconscious, delegate to your soul. Let your body take over and keep being amazing.
It sounds annoyingly esoteric. Believe me, I know. I struggle with this myself. It’s the paradox of being human, and that’s okay. Start with a small list. Write down the things you love to do, the things you’re good at, the things you’re passionate about, and see the connection. Brainstorm, have fun, create ideas, and invite the Universe to support you.
It’s not supposed to make sense. The mind makes sense. You’re creating from your heart and soul.
You are amazing. PS: Not many people are doing what you’re meant to do, so if your dream feels far-fetched because it doesn’t exist, that’s your green light! Do it.
Jaymie Yang is a shapeshifter of reality and a badass energy bitch who feels everything, aka an empath. She has a provoking quality that activates your deepest fears, so you can transmute them. Being a nonconformist herself, her passion is to support other wildly untraditional women and navigate them in designing the life of their dreams. She’s a Mindset Coach and a Harmonizing Energy Healer. She hosts workshops and facilitates women who are exploding with brilliant ideas to streamline them in soulfully strategic ways.