Love Unconditionally, Make Yourself Happy.
Too often we place conditions on the love we have for others.
We try to get love, believing we don’t have enough already.
We look for other people or things to make us feel a certain way, and it sometimes doesn’t even occur to us that we could do that for ourselves.
Real love is about giving and not getting. It’s about what we can offer and what we can share, with no conditions attached.
Real love frees both you and the other person.
We need to learn how to support ourselves in all ways, so we don’t go into relationships expecting anyone else to carry us.
When we find ourselves feeling lacking or wanting something from someone else, we can use it as a helpful signal to come back to ourselves. We can stop and feel into all that we have inside us already.
Only when we truly know and love ourselves can we possibly love anyone else. We lose ourselves in relationships, and then wonder why the other person doesn’t seem to be making us happy. But we all need to make ourselves happy. We can take great pleasure from other people — from their love, support, and the connection we share, but we should never expect anyone else to fill us up.
We need to see that we are already full.
Sometimes other people act as the most powerful mirrors, and come into our lives not to give us everything we want, but to show us where we still aren’t loving or looking after ourselves well enough, and where we’re still not allowing ourselves to be happy or recognizing our true nature and fullness.
We can recognize that unconditional love is inside of us, so we don’t have to keep looking for it in all the wrong places.
We can be discerning. We need strength and self-respect so that we only share ourselves with those who appreciate what we can offer. But if they don’t, we can love them anyway. Bless them, wish them only the best, and go on giving to those who need what we have to give.
You can love someone and not want them in your life. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t respect or honor all that you are? But you can still love someone regardless of that. You can want the best for them. You can want them to be totally happy, without needing them to make you happy.
You can want them to be happy, taking yourself out of the equation entirely.
Unconditional love isn’t based on a needs exchange. There are no agreements, unspoken or otherwise. It isn’t about give and take. It’s about giving, full stop. And you’re in charge of who you give that love to. You’re in charge of who you love and who you want in your life.
What are you still looking to get from others? How do you behave when you’re trying to get something from them? How do you feel when they don’t give it to you?
What if you could learn to give it to yourself instead, and to recognize that everything you need is already within you? What if you could stop relying on anyone else, or expecting them to play any kind of role for you, leaving you to just enjoy yourself and them instead?
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love sets others free — to be themselves and to do whatever their hearts desire.
Just remember to turn this love back on yourself too. What would it feel like to love all of you? To not beat yourself up? To accept yourself as you are, for better or worse? To know that you’re worthy of all you desire. To believe that you’re enough. To love your own company. To know that you’ve got all the love you’ll ever need inside of you, and that it’s what you’re made of.
Once you realize this, you’ll no longer need to search for it outside yourself. You’ll no longer need to try and get anything from anyone else. You’ll be free to share the love in your heart and to enjoy those in your life, purely and simply, with no conditions or strings attached. Unconditional love rules. Turn it inwards, then spread it outwards, and watch it reflected back from all around you.
Kelly Burns is a specialist coach who works with people who want to stop feeling insecure in themselves and their relationships. She helps them feel more secure and confident through one to one coaching and group programs, and offers a free e-book on her website. Kelly also works with people who are going through a change in their lives, and who may be feeling stuck, confused or unsure of what they want to do next. She helps them get clear on their purpose and next steps. In addition, Kelly offers well-being consultancy to organizations and the media, and writes freelance articles for both print and online publications. You can also contact her via Twitter or Facebook.