archives, you & me

Reclaim the Totality of Being Human, One Breath at a Time.

We live in a world that values what image we project over who we really are, what we can produce over what we express, how we look over how we feel.

It is a culture that is emotionally and spiritually neglectful. It values the external to such a degree that we have become codependent with this culture, a death mother, in an attempt to receive the nourishment our psyche is so deeply craving, and get ourselves lost in the process.

We have been split in two: our inner nature and our rational nature. Animal and divine has become animal or divine.

The splitting creates a chasm inside a place that rests in the depth of our hearts, where we are actually meant to embody the in-between — to be both instinctual and divine, logical and filled with the creative loving energy of eros, to hold a safe container, respect knowledge and wisdom equally, and to navigate through the world feeling fully alive in our cells with wisdom and grace.

We should feel safe to be whole, yet most of us do not.

This is the essence of the soul wound, the split between our two sides — logos and eros, masculine and feminine, animal and spirit, spiritual and scientific, dark and light, love and hate, good and bad, and on and on.

The belief of I am not good enough is often a very real inner voice that is not a belief, but an aspect of our soul wondering “Do I exist?,” “Am I allowed to be here?,” “Why doesn’t anyone see me?”

It is a product of emotional and/or spiritual neglect. There is rage for never having been seen or known, first by the world and eventually by ourselves, because the way we learn how to be with ourselves is through internalizing how we were seen and loved (or not).

An abused or neglected child does not hate its parents if it is too dangerous to do so when it needs them to survive. We also live in a time where there is a cultural and spiritual imperative to always hold parents in a good light, lest one be seen as a bad child or an nonspiritual person.

Rather, the child hates itself and the split occurs. The unloved, uncared for aspects disconnect and go away. They become invisible to us even though they continue to cry out through feelings or relational patterns, longing to exist and be noticed.

And we are left wondering if we are good enough, not knowing how to yet be worthy of our own love while doing all the things this crazy world has taught us to do and be so we can get these deeper needs met. Instead, most of us are hooked into an addictive world which actually denies the very underlying reality that fuels this entire insane system.

We end up playing this over and over again, either feeling unseen by others or being the one doing the rejecting of other because we are trying to complete this energetic loop and free ourselves from this trauma trance that ends up being about power, not love.

Power perpetuates this trauma trance cycle and love will heal it.

The soul wound is a spiritual trauma, a wounding to the layers of the deep soul self, the emotional self, the intuitive self. Ultimately, it is a wound to the elemental Feminine, to the place of eros, where our deepest longing and greatest fear meet. Where our deepest longing to be known and our greatest fear of being seen erupt in the heart breaking wide open in grief so that love knows where to find us.

The soul wound is at the heart of the in-between. It is where we can discover who we truly are.

We don’t have to chose sides, be intellectual, or reject it entirely to be embodied. We get to be both. We are both. The deepest parts that don’t feel they can exist here, they are the calls of the soul asking you to learn the ways of creating inner safety, reconnecting and learning the ways of love. That is the path of healing the soul wound.

It is the opposite of our collective trauma trance (fear, disconnection and shame), it is safety, connection and love.

It is not in the denial of our human condition that we will find transcendence, but in honoring it, respecting it, loving it, adoring it, devoting our lives to loving it that the grief of separation will finally set us free. And there we find everything we are looking for.

One day at a time.

One breath at a time.

One moment at a time.

One courageous expression at a time.

One loving act at a time.

One compassionate gesture towards self at a time.

One gentle affirming act of love at a time.

Love is not what we think. Neither is freedom.

It’s deeply embedded in our being when we stop rejecting our separation.


Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a psychospiritual healer, soul mentor and writer. She has carved out her own path based on 20+ years of clinical experience and an equal amount of time studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic healing, ritual and energy healing. After recovering herself from addiction and experiencing an awakening to her soul, she fused her knowledge of psychology and trauma with both her studied and lived experience of shamanic and Buddhist healing modalities, creating an innovative approach to healing the soul wound at the root of so much addiction, shame and ongoing trauma. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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