Feel Alive Again by Being Honest with Yourself.
The plague of judgmentalism seems impossible to eradicate.
It spreads everywhere, onto others and what appears to be the external world, and it works within us too, or rather, it works against us. It seems to have developed a fierce resistance to all counter-measures, often even surviving the onslaught of self-love.
Is it alright to think what you think and feel what you feel, even when you’re not actually loving yourself at all? Even when you know that you’re not doing what is best for you, what you really want the most, even if what you’re doing is unhealthy and you’re not living up to your own pretty reasonable standards? Can you just let yourself be?
Would this not be enabling the worst tendencies in yourself, bringing yourself down?
Well, maybe, and maybe not.
You can only be curious about that, about what’s actually there, once you’ve slipped out of the judgmental mindset, the binary choices of good/bad, self-loving/self-hating, rising/resistant, worthy/not-worthy, or however you find yourself framing it.
And you can only feel things changing, moving, releasing, only feel alive again by being honest with yourself about what’s actually there.
In pretty much any situation where you’re judging yourself, imagine what you’d say to a friend, and more importantly, how you’d say it. You might shout at them in frustration, and occasionally that might be inspired and exactly what’s needed, but usually it wouldn’t feel great, or work very constructively.
It is all about tone of voice, tone of being, and the way you lean in to yourself.
There’s something between treating yourself proudly and explicitly like the sovereign being you are, and enabling helpless addictive behaviors.
There’s quite a lot in between actually.
And as so often it’s all mixed up, we can’t always affirm ourselves, sometimes it feels fake, and the worm of judgmentalism crawls in and tells us that we need to be treating ourselves better in order to be worthy.
The worm tells us that if we’re feeling weak, we’ve lost touch with our powers forever, or intentionally abandoned ourselves. If we’re in pain, we’re not strong.
That if we don’t have money, this is entirely due to not believing strongly enough in our own worth (rather than, say, because of being born on the wrong side of global capitalism, or sick and unable to work, or looking after the young/elderly/sick full-time, or working in public services).
Or the other way around, it tells us we’re so powerful now we could never be weak again, we’re so strong we’re not like those who feel pain, we’re so at one with our own worth that our money flow is guaranteed forever, come hell or high water (or war or the end of the electronic banking system).
It’s all judgment. It’s all flavored with arrogance.
We’re infinitely more powerful than we know. It could also all be swept away in an instant.
So here’s my idea. Let yourself be a part of it all, with an understanding of how high it gets, and how low. And don’t berate yourself for not loving yourself enough.
Sarah Luczaj (PhD) is a counselor/therapist, Reiki master, writer, poet, originator of the Creative Regeneration process (which brings together meditation, focusing, free-writing and intuitive painting) and co-founder of the terrealuma healing refuge, on a wild and secluded permaculture farm. She facilitates Creative Regeneration in various ways, from live group sessions, through month-long online courses, to 6-month intensive one-to-one activations, to get people plugged back into their natural state of bliss and power. Sarah is mainly based in Glasgow, and has two daughters.