Enhance Your Connection by the Gift of Presence.
When you come into physical connection with another human being — whether a hug or sexual experience — what do you usually do?
Do you feel a pressure to be doing something in order to let them know you’re there? Do you feel compelled to respond in a certain way in order to keep their attention?
Often all this busy-ness of interaction means we miss the more subtle qualities present when two human beings come together. The simple gift of our presence is already enough. When we are constantly stirring the energy up with our movement, we can miss the deep nourishment that comes from fully being there with one another.
It’s like we keep dropping stones into a pond and the water is being constantly churned up. Why not try letting the ripples settle and see what’s there?
I would like to offer a practice for you to try, which I shared recently at a weekend workshop. It is surprising in its simplicity, yet has the potential to be profoundly powerful.
You can do this with a friend or a lover, clothed or naked as you prefer. It’s an opportunity to drop into deep presence with one another.
Moving into Stillness: A Practice (you can set the scene with a bath, flowers, candles, music, etc.)
- With your partner, find a position that feels good to you both (see suggestions below).
- Take time to get really comfortable. You may even want to put cushions under different parts of your body so that they feel supported.
- You can set a timer for a specific length of time so that you don’t have to worry about checking the clock. Around 15-20 minutes per position is good.
- If you become physically uncomfortable, slowly and without speaking, change position. Although this temporarily disrupts the experience, it’s better to take a moment to move than endure many moments of being uncomfortable.
- Then simply drop in…
- Allow words to fall away.
- Allow movement to fall away. If one person forgets and starts stroking or caressing, just take their hand and hold it for a moment as a reminder to move into stillness.
- Allow your breath to become relaxed and deep. You may find that your breathing synchronizes to the same rise and fall. No need to force anything. Simply allow whatever wants to be.
- Notice any thoughts you might have (“Am I doing this right?” “Am I too heavy?” “Are they bored?”) and let them go.
- Allow yourself to melt into one another.
- Release any expectations and simply see what arises.
- Allow yourself to drop in and be.
In each position, the key is to get as much body contact as you can. Especially around the chest area. Let your hearts touch!
Yab-Yum: The classic Tantric position. One person sits cross-legged and the other sits on their lap. Wrap your arms around one another.
Spooning: Lie down together. One person nestles behind and fits their body around the other’s, like spoons neatly lying in a drawer.
Lover’s Embrace: Another position from Tantra. Two people lie facing one another, and one snuggles into the other, with arms around one another and legs entwined.
Bonding Bodies: My personal favorite! One person lies down and the other lies on top, covering them with their whole body. Even if you are physically bigger or heavier than your partner, when the weight is spread out and the whole body is relaxed, you can both rest in this position comfortably. Don’t try to hold your body weight up as this will create a distracting tension. The person underneath can be face up or face down depending on which you feel most comfortable.
What did you do? Which did you find the most effective way to be present with another? Please feel free to let me know.
Gayatri Beegan is a Sacred Sexuality professional. She offers safe spaces for people to discover the aliveness of their being. Gayatri is passionate about positioning sexuality back in the body. Known for her refreshingly natural and joyful approach, Gayatri champions touch as the language to heal the separation between sex and spirit, heart and mind. In 2016, Gayatri founded Tantra Massage Training with the intention of offering a heart-centered and body-celebrating approach to spiritual awareness and sexual expansion. Since then, she has initiated hundreds of people into the art of Tantric touch through workshops, and created an inspired community of sensual enthusiasts. Central to her work is grounding in safety, cultivating sensitivity, and embodying the sacred. In 2018, Gayatri was nominated as Somatic Sexologist of the Year at The Sexual Freedom Awards, which promote excellence and celebrate pioneers in the field of sexuality. You could contact her via her website.