archives, you & me

Pleasure: You Never Did Anything Wrong.

You never did anything wrong.

When you were a little girl, when you touched yourself…

… or your teddy bear…

… or that favorite piece of furniture, mounting it just so as you followed the breadcrumbs of pleasure…

… you weren’t doing anything wrong.

Perhaps you stumbled upon this new feeling, out of the blue, as you explored this human body and all it has to offer. The condensed sweetness of sensation, the tingling in your lower belly.

It was all so innocent. 

Pleasure is freedom, it’s a birthright, it’s an orgasm before you had the word or concept of such a thing.

If your parents shamed or blamed you, it was only out of fear and their unprocessed sexual wounds. Their conditioning. Maybe they told you to do this thing in private, but their voice was charged with humiliation or shame.

And that imprint carried on in your beliefs around sex and masturbation. A piece of you started to believe it was wrong, that you were bad.

But when you were a little girl, you knew how to see stars.

You sought pure pleasure without a story of what it might mean.

Your body instinctively knew this incredible feeling belonged to you.

It was so simple, unfettered, and natural.

In those moments before it was taken away, shamed, made to mean something else.

You didn’t do anything wrong, even if you found your pleasure with another little girl or boy, exploring innocently, touching, curious about your body and what it could do.

If that play didn’t feel good, of course, that’s something else entirely.

So often our memory is marred by the overwhelming shame in being caught. Reprimanded. Warned away from our body and pleasure, scarring the psyche.

Imagine a world where your pleasure was celebrated from Day One. Where you were told with love, “Wow, your body is filled with amazing possibility.” Where you were given safe and loving boundaries, from a parent with a healthy and grounded sense of sexuality.

A world where your period and becoming a woman were celebrated too. Rituals and rites of passage abounded. Your bleeding and emotional cycle were honored. Your very womanhood revered.

Give yourself the felt experience of growing up in that world.

Go back to this childhood memory, this place where your pleasure was first made wrong.

Let the little girl inside you know it is so, so safe to feel pleasure now.

Let her know her caregiver didn’t know how to celebrate her, and you’re here to support her now, as she is.

It’s safe to explore her body and experiment with any touch that feels good.

No matter how that touch looks.

Even if it doesn’t look like anything she’s seen in a porno or a magazine.

Tell her it is safe to surrender to orgasm.

No one is going to shame her now, for experiencing the very best feeling our bodies have to offer.

Feel this new way and this love blossom in your heart. Give yourself permission to self-pleasure, and make love from a space of innocence and abandon.

Connect to the truth: your arousal, your pleasure and your orgasm are sacred.

Pleasure isn’t selfish or bad, it’s a path to freedom and a higher capacity to do your work in the world.

And when you feel this little girl inside you in your body, holding you back from surrendering to pleasure, make sure to let her know:

You never did anything wrong.


Lynn Wolfbrandt is a sexual healer and coach with a profound interest in energetics, tantra, magical sex, and the power of self-pleasure. Her colorful career has included stints as a sex toy shop clerk, full-time vibrator review writer, and finally, after a spiritual and witchy awakening, a coaching practice that fuses sacred sexuality with practicality, lust, and radical self-acceptance. You can find Lynn on Instagram and check out the courses available on Sacral Empowerment.


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