Do Not Despair, Do Not Let Inner Demons Corrupt You.
Do not indulge the inner demons when in a soured mood, when temporarily weakened by fatigue, confused by uncomfortable exchanges, or distraught by unforeseen variables that wreak havoc in your carefully-laid plans.
Do not give credence to the subliminal voices which warn and worry you that your means of making meaning have collapsed, that you’re fragmenting into incoherence, that you’ve had enough of this life’s jostling, nerve-wracking, agitating ride.
Do not promote the self-negating story that suggests the high notes in your life have already been sung and the most passionate adventures have already been lived, their once vital core now dried husks gathering dust in albums and unopened digital files.
You’ve only recently discovered that a stage of life in which you were meaningfully playing out your assigned role and assured, dramatic plot lines, has ended, that you’ve exhausted the current limits of your agency within its framework, and have already connected with everything that lies within the circumference of your desires on a stage whose sun is setting.
Let “now what?” transform from a pestering question exposing your enfeebled limits, inducing dread and overwhelm, into a delicious excitement that opens and unfurls the thousand petals of the as-yet unknown!
You are more. You were made for more. So much more! Even if that something more is still invisible, even if its nature and form are opaque to your seeking, open hands, even if it isn’t downloading itself fully-formed, let it speak to you, let it inform you, let it suggest avenues available from the mighty and monumental place from which you already stand.
Say it repetitively, roll it around in your mind, invite it in most completely, and try not to be scared of the full spectrum of feeling that it brings up. Pursue it regardless. Do not become restless as it questions you, or let it intimidate, frighten, or bother you.
May you be free of fear. As if you have to figure it all out, as if it demands an answer from you fully packaged, brilliantly articulated, instantly ready to be translated into worldly action.
Now what? Let it explore, let it play. Let it come in fragments, intonations, hints, and vague suggestions. Let it speak in tongues. Let it come through images, melodies, and the symbolic language of your dreams. Let it come on its own terms and in its own timing. Let it grace you with its creative life innovation.
The most powerful vision to date organizes itself silently yet persistently, outside of the spectrum of your planning consciousness. Be patient!
Be open to receiving glimpses, dutifully record them, muse about them wherever you can.
Know that everything and everyone you have ever contacted forms the base from which your future is creatively opened: it, all of it, is raw material that, having been assimilated into the complexity of who you are, must be factored into what’s next to determine what will be most interesting to you — what will be vital, what will be so true it speaks to you directly, piercing new potentials for feeling and meaning through your heart.
What will energize you into new harmonies and new inspirations will not come in the same pattern as what excited you before. That’s already been felt, digested, processed, known, integrated.
It’s left you fulfilled, it’s left you bereft. It’s succeeded in its consummation and the destruction of what was set on your horizon. It’s achieved completion in its whole conclusion, and because of this, your all-encompassing meaning was eclipsed, that is, was deprived of significance, power, or prominence.
You are a pioneer, never static. Your easily-won satisfactions wear off. Wait for newly sensitive receptivity in you for that which you’ve never encountered and that which is already on its way. What’s on its way is already in process. Between the time you started reading this piece and the time that is just now, it’s been in development. You’re poised for the next big event. Perhaps you subtly co-create it just now.
Your next pursuits forge a higher purpose than what was bound up in your youthful ideals; they are harder to attain, as with all higher levels. Do not despair, do not let inner demons corrupt your inner knowing, do not let them tempt or confuse you.
You are not done, far from it; you’ve picked the easily-reachable, low-hanging fruit, so what remains juicy and life-giving, what remains fruit-full, is elusive and evasive to the undiscerning eye. So don’t give up, don’t give up too soon — it’s coming into being, it’s materializing beneath the threshold of your awareness. If it be more difficult, so be it! It is the will of God!
Sarah McKelvey is a free spirit who enjoys introspecting, speculating, and writing about life, love, synchronistic experiences, identity, psyche, self-cultivation, and her various misadventures. She typically writes in the context of traveling, and is informed by Eastern wisdom traditions, depth psychology, and the iconoclastic teachings of Alan Watts. Words are her favorite medium. In her pursuits, she pursues truth, beauty, and goodness, and hopes to, through her endeavors and writing, promote a life-affirming attitude that belongs on the spectrum of love. She lives along the Front Range outside of Denver, and practices psychotherapy professionally.