archives, wisdom

You Are Allowed to Be Human and Thrive.


Divine intelligence is far more powerful than our human emotions. It just is.

There is a vast web of movement, energy and creation that is far bigger than what our little human brains can even fathom.

Our place in this web is significant, yet it is not a web of our narcissistic operation.

The trees do not have control. Neither do the clouds. Or the mountain. Or the rain. Or the sun. Or the wind. Or the eagle or lion hunting. Or the deer grazing. Or the fruit ripening on the tree.

Everything is working in orchestration and in an unfolding of right time. Including us. Our creating. Our work. Our relationships. The unraveling of our dark nights of the soul. Our joys. Our celebrations. Our alignments. Our misalignments. Our broken hearts. Our hearts filled with love. Our art. Our writing. Our business. We are a part of all of it and it is a miracle.

I say all this because I find New Age teachings about emotional and energetic paranoia to be highly shaming, damaging, stressful and annoying.

To think that having anxiety or fear, sadness or grief, or any other normal human emotion that goes with putting your heart into something and if it flows in some way other than what we planned, then it must be because your emotion or energy frequency had something to do with it.

Success and life and creation are much more complex than that.

It’s okay to feel anxious or nervous, doubt yourself, feel your heart stretched by the new of life so much you just want to cry. This is a part of the creative process, whether you are creating an offering, a work of art, or your life in a way that is more connected to what is important for you.

Life stretches us and that stretching opens our hearts and pulls out all the feels. Life is doing its thing, and there are a million and one reasons things go the way they go.

Many, many successful people failed a thousand times before the overnight success. Many people speak to a crowd of one for a long time. A lot of very successful artists suffer with self-loathing and fear. A lot of very rich people experience depression, anxiety and addiction. There are a lot of successful people who never once think about their vibration.

We need to stop shaming our human experience and folding it into the pressure to be a certain way to succeed or be loved. This isn’t enlightenment, its oppression.

This is destructive cultural parenting that’s evolved from negative parenting that goes unhealed. And, we do it every time we tell ourselves or someone else that the reason their first try or their 50th try or 1000th try failed because of how they were feeling or their energy on a particular day. That money will come when they are happy all the time. It’s nonsense and shaming. It paralyzes people.

This is the death mother in disguise of self-help and spirituality.

The Divine is much more forgiving of us than that.

Spiritual teachings twisted under the patriarchy‘s desire to have control over us is not so forgiving.

We really must stop with the emotional paranoia and simultaneous shaming of difficult experiences and blaming those very experiences for why things haven’t worked out. Life happens. Trauma happens. We have ups and downs, whether we love ourselves or not.

Some things succeed, some things are slow to warm up in the world, some do not ever succeed, some things never see the light of day. It’s all learning, and not all a personal reflection of our value, lovability or capacity to be a good, contributing human in a world.

Be easy on yourself. Offer yourself compassion. Tend to your inner parent. Be gentle. Do take stock of what you can do better. If you need to make amends, metabolize and process your feelings, don’t stuff them.

Become a better steward of your well-being, it will make us all better stewards of each other’s hearts.

Loving yourself makes you sane, and sanity is priceless.

Here is to healing one un-mothered heart at a time.


Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a psychospiritual healer, soul mentor and writer. She has carved out her own path based on 20+ years of clinical experience and an equal amount of time studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic healing, ritual and energy healing. After recovering herself from addiction and experiencing an awakening to her soul, she fused her knowledge of psychology and trauma with both her studied and lived experience of shamanic and Buddhist healing modalities, creating an innovative approach to healing the soul wound at the root of so much addiction, shame and ongoing trauma. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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