you & me

Your Humanity Is Not a Problem to Be Solved.


The other night after a beautiful day, I sat down and started to feel anxious.

The first thing I noticed was an impulse to do something to get rid of the anxiety, followed closely by my mind trying to figure out the cause — both incredibly intelligent strategies towards helping my nervous system come back to the peaceful state it was in, except that searching outwardly for the problem with my mind, along with knowing I don’t have sugar at home, which makes any attempt at soothing anxiety worse, I felt the anxiety worsen.

Nothing to really be anxious about, my mind decided. So, I watched something insignificant on Hulu or Netflix. It was still there. A persistent tugging on me. Anxiety, fear, the mind starting to spiral with it because it couldn’t find a direct link, so it started to search the archives and do an in-depth psycho-analysis.

Finally, I just lit a candle and sat in the dark. I dropped into my anxiety full on with curiosity. I didn’t apply tools or do energy work on myself or try to clear it. And, trust me, I can clear energy if I need to. It’s just that I see now how that can be an avoidance strategy — avoiding connecting with inner truth.

Instead, I asked, “What is this about? What is there?”

First, there was nothing. So I just listened and traced the energy from my heart to my stomach, down my arms. Breathing and finding myself settling down. Then, a small voice said there is something I need/should be doing that I am not doing and it’s bugging the hell out of me.

To find out what this thing was, I listened more. What was revealed was a divine directive from the soul of my body, a deep knowing of what’s next, of the fear that is keeping me from doing the next things on my path.

With that realization, the anxiety instantly vanished, and today I feel filled with energy and a clear vision of what I should be engaging in.

This is using the mind in service of the body.

Normally, we use the mind to solve problems. The problem of the body. The problem of the emotions. The problem of the emptiness. The problem of the gnawing pain. The problem of the flight/flight/freeze in our nervous system. The problem of thoughts we have that we don’t like. The problematic behavior. The problematic qualities of self. The problematic flaws. The problematic relationship circumstances.

The mind is this negative parent, sometimes death parent, to our psyche, internal world of feeling and experience.

Our bodies live in the world, and are the living, sensing, feeling organisms that life force energy flows through. It is the home of our consciousness. It is what is living our lives for us. It is a living breathing divine intelligence that has wisdom and also holds our trauma. It is matter. It matters. It is the wisdom of the Feminine we try to rule over with the rational mind.

I see it with clients. Anger and resentment building and building, inflammation that seeks to figure out who it is that is the cause of this inflammation, who to direct the anger at, what part of the system is fucked up, or the inability to let go of blaming the past for being what it was.

Or, a deep pain through a relationship that isn’t right, but the mind explaining and locating the problem in the partner, rather than exploring her pain. Or, a deep pain that blames the substances or the coping mechanisms or the jobs or the partners or the past, rather than exploring what’s inside.

The mind is trying to solve our problems. This is what the mind does. Yet, if we are split off from the rest of our system, we miss the fact that the mind is actually responding to internal experiences, often out of our awareness, especially if we are disconnected from our emotional, physical or soul body.

We are trained to see a certain aspect of our humanity as a problem.

The mind is responding to unconscious patterns in the rest of our system. Where the trauma lives. Our core wounds and traumas are a certain frequency in our system, and that is the energy that informs our thought processes and the way we are trying to fix ourselves and navigate the world. If we keep that energy out of our consciousness, we can remain on a perpetual hamster wheel of trying to figure it out.

That energy is everything. Knowing, learning, understanding that frequency of our core wounding, of the trauma that tries to run the show by picking its matches, it is everything because then it becomes an ally.

We can communicate with it. With the wound. With the body. Learn the difference of the body wisdom and the trauma communicating, because though the body doesn’t lie, it’s not always telling us what we think we want to hear or know. We have an entire other complex of knowing and wisdom in our gut. And our heart, the heart-mind.

We are robbing ourselves of what is possible by using our minds as weapons against ourselves.

Healing the mind-body-soul split is really healing our relationship with ourselves. Turning the mind, the parent — the inner mother, into a loving ally rather than a tool of control, oppression or frustration.

This is where we can harness the wisdom of our dreams and visions with our cognitive awareness to bring health, vitality and wholeness into our nervous system. It’s possible to bridge the gap of disconnect within, which is where most of us feel empty and try to fill it up with things instead of our own love.

Self-love and inner peace are more simple than we think. Not necessarily easy, but simple it is. Indeed.


Dr. Mia Hetenyi is a psychospiritual healer, soul mentor and writer. She has carved out her own path based on 20+ years of clinical experience and an equal amount of time studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic healing, ritual and energy healing. After recovering herself from addiction and experiencing an awakening to her soul, she fused her knowledge of psychology and trauma with both her studied and lived experience of shamanic and Buddhist healing modalities, creating an innovative approach to healing the soul wound at the root of so much addiction, shame and ongoing trauma. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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