Don’t Run Away From How You Feel After a Heartbreak.
What do you do when your heart feels ripped out, and has shattered into a million pieces? When you are lying there, scattered all over the place, and you cannot see a way to put yourself back together again?
How do you heal from heartbreak in love?
These are the things I have learnt when I have danced with my broken heart.
First, feel it. Feel it deeply. Let go to the depths of your soul in your attempt to feel. Do not run away from this stage, or it will only come back later, or start manifesting in your life in lots of other ways. As your heart will constantly call to you, over and over, that the time has come to mend its broken pieces. Time to stitch the jagged edges back together again, so they may heal.
Acknowledge how you feel. Don’t judge it. Just let it be. How you feel is neither good or bad. It’s just you being you. Cry, wail, scream, get angry. Whatever you feel, it’s all okay. Just let it be. Give it words. Journal. Speak to a close friend. Just please, acknowledge your pain fully. Don’t stay in this stage too long though. The more you allow yourself to feel your pain, the faster it will move through you.
Next, love yourself. Hold space for yourself and your inner child. Get her or him out. Speak to the young you. Tell them it’s all okay. Let your inner child tell you how she or he feels. What this pain looks like to them. Let her or him tell you what the root of the matter is. Ask them for keywords. Often you will get abandonment or rejection, but whatever those words are, just accept them.
Cuddle and love your inner child. Assure them that you’ve got this.
Now, after the feeling stage, you need to start on the road to healing. If your truly want to heal, you need to move on. Close the door. Don’t try to turn a full stop into a comma. Don’t leave a window open. Close the door, and all the windows behind you, and walk away. Know that the old saying ‘As one door closes, another will open’ is true.
If you don’t close that door, you will be blinded for a while, to all the new doors opening in front of you. Accept what you have learnt. You know that everything that happened wasn’t really about the other person. It was all about you. What did you learn about yourself? Do an autopsy on everything that happened. Only looking at your actions and how you felt. How you felt matters.
Don’t dismiss your feelings. They were real, and they meant something. Realize the other person only held a mirror up to you, just as you did for them. Look in that mirror. See you as you have been revealed to yourself. With love. Ask yourself about your boundaries. Don’t build walls.
Walls keep people out and keep you alone behind them. Boundaries are flexible and are controlled by you. They have gates that let people in, but still guard and set limits on the person that you are and what you will accept from those whom you allow into your inner sanctuary. Set new boundaries for yourself.
Now, in the final stage, go do you. Love yourself. When a person leaves, a void is created. Go fill this up. But not just with anything. Don’t go lose yourself in sedation such as drugs, alcohol or partying. Or throw yourself into the arms of another lover. These are all the ways we run away from how we feel. How we feel will always be there. You can’t hide from it.
Your pain will constantly call to you, and unresolved pain will take you from one painful lesson to another. Don’t pile up more hurt on the foundation of your old pain. Deal with your pain so you can have a fresh start. Do things that add on to you. Go do a course, work out at the gym, walk in nature, learn to meditate. Fill that void with things that affirm to you, just how amazing you are.
Add value to yourself once again. Realize that what happened was just a small step in your upwards journey.
Don’t look back. You are still on your way to the magnificent be-ing you truly are. You will heal. Don’t close off, for you are a lover who must love again.
Kim Turfrey is a mother and lover of life who lives in New Zealand and has spent a lifetime working with plants as well as Earth and Spiritual energies in order to find healing for herself and others. Being born with the gift of disability has enabled her to see the world through different eyes, and develop a deep love and gratitude for life. She works with people all around the world through the vehicle of her business Confirmations of Self, and empowers them with sets of tools that enable them to identify and move through the current and future challenges they face in the unification process. If you would like to contact Kim for enquiries about this work, you can get hold of her via email or Facebook.