We Must Collectively Learn How to Love Better.
We don’t get to know the lesson of a thing until we make it through to the other side.
Our desire to leap to knowing what the lesson is or what the gold nugget is can actually keep us from being deeply present in the immersive experience that is unfolding. It can be a reaction to feeling vulnerable in all that comes up when we enter into the crossroads, where the unknown is waiting on the other side of the fires.
This is the underworld journey.
We go down, into the the place where the archetypal Mother waits for us at the crossroads. We meet all sorts of things there, experience all kinds of emotions, and are required to sacrifice something in order to emerge on the other side. This is not a process that we can really control, though surrendering to it and accepting it for what it is sure can help.
The underworld journey that is the process of change, transformation, death and rebirth is often triggered by a loss, a crisis, a disappointment, a trauma, a disappointment or a bubble bursting around some aspect of our life.
These losses are real.
And it is okay to be in pain.
To feel grief.
To feel all the feels.
We don’t need to be afraid of ourselves.
We live in a time of great denial about pain because we simply do not know how to love it. How to hold grief as sacred, how to love ourselves and others in their grief, how to be with vulnerability in others when it triggers discomfort in us.
This is part of the initiation into the underworld.
We experience the loss or the crisis, our relationship to what we thought was, that third energy that forms in our relationship with life… that bubble bursts. This is how we arrive at the crossroads.
This is where we meet the archetypal Great Mother, the crone… Hecate, Persephone, Kali… and our great work begins. Here is a great letting go into the fires that burn away what needs to be let go within ourselves.
It’s where we are made new, where the past and the future kindle within us a light, a genius, a new strength, more courage, greater visions, deeper trust, more power with love, happiness, joy and vast expansiveness of the human heart.
Here, our tears of grief are offered and they do not dampen the fire, but make it burn through our pain and shadows stronger. It helps us transform the patterns that keep us from evolving into the next version of who we are.
It’s a cauldron, this initiation is both collective and deeply personal.
We are seeing the outer world collapse and what isn’t working in our inner realms as well.
We won’t know what the lessons are, who we were going to be or how things are going to change until we get to the other side, which is when we get to reorganize our relationship to life, to evolve with life and put different structures, visions, goals and ways of being in place.
That is when our relationship with soul, with the Great Mother, with divine love and eros heals, when we feel more reunited with the essence of spirit that lives through us.
Until the next crisis, loss or initiation.
Because it is a cycle of endless becoming.
It is in the underworld, at the crossroads, we meet not only the Great Mother, but the negative mother, the death mother, where we must wrangle with our relationship with ourselves, with life and with energies of shame, fear, hatred or the pull of addictions and death that pull us from our light.
We have to be willing to let go of an entire system of living that has caused us pain, even if it has served us well for a period of time.
This is hard work.
And it hurts.
This period of time hurts.
And it is okay.
It’s okay to be in pain.
It’s okay to feel vulnerable.
Cultural and social denial and pathologizing of our human pain is no longer serving us.
It’s keeping us trapped at a point in time that we must release ourselves from.
Lean into the fire and see where you are not yet free. Where you do not accept yourself, what truth you are evading within yourself, where you need more integrity, what you’ve been avoiding, what needs to be grieved and what is hard to love.
We must learn how to love here, each and every one of us, so that collectively we can learn how to love better.
We need to let the death process of an old way of living be okay.
Need support? Reach out to a friend, a healer, a mentor… anyone who can hold the loving space you need to internalize that loving energy for yourself.
To build new on a grounded foundation of loving-kindness is a thing that is first forged in the fires of change. We don’t have to have it figured out. We don’t need to know what the lesson or the medicine is. We just have to show up and be kind, loving to ourselves. To take care of our bodies, help each other, and tend to where we are in our inner worlds.
In our time of going into more isolation, remember we are sitting around a collective fire, navigating what to offer up, allowing our hearts to break open in grief and navigating the swells of vulnerability together.
More love, not less.
We don’t get to know until we know.
Let what is transform you into what will be.
Dr. Nandi Hetenyi is a psychospiritual healer, soul mentor and writer. She has carved out her own path based on 20+ years of clinical experience and an equal amount of time studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic healing, ritual and energy healing. After recovering herself from addiction and experiencing an awakening to her soul, she fused her knowledge of psychology and trauma with both her studied and lived experience of shamanic and Buddhist healing modalities, creating an innovative approach to healing the soul wound at the root of so much addiction, shame and ongoing trauma. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.