poetry

Embrace Your Grief Even If It Hurts. {poetry}

 

Grief is a tricky emotion.

Sometimes grief comes in loud and is readily identified. Other times it slips in softly and can pass easily unnoticed for a time, amongst the other emotions it frequently companions. Hurt, anger, anxiety and depression can make it difficult to identify.

Experiencing a great loss is when I recognized grief in my body. The void that remained seemed to fill with a heavy sadness. Reading about grief and its stages has helped me to better understand and process. My grief didn’t follow a pattern. It didn’t stick to a schedule or come with any semblance of order. It was messy and felt chaotic.

Everyone grieves differently. Learning about the grieving process can help you do the deep work of recognizing it, navigating through, finding ways to fully feel it, and experience healing.

Grief is a difficult emotion to embrace.

I’ve heard it said that grief is a passage.

Right now, around the world we are all experiencing varying degrees of loss and grief. Whatever it is you are currently going through, may your passage be full of compassion and understanding. For yourself and those around you.

This poem is about grief.

It’s about the death of my grandmother and the loss of my little sister.

***

Grief sat down hard on my chest
I looked it in the eyes, but I didn’t move
I didn’t fight it

“You lose,” grief’s voice was raspy and there was a cackle attached to the end of its words

My eyes glossed over
I still didn’t struggle
Its weight was so heavy on my heart that the ache was unbearable

“You’re right,” I whispered
Through choked on sobs,
“You’re right. I lose.
I’ve lost someone so dear that it feels like hitting a wall.
I’ve lost someone, someone who in ways molded my existence.
Someone who’s gone.
Gone forever.”

My breathing was light
I couldn’t take in more than a shallow breath
It hurt too much

Grief’s eyes bore holes into me
It settled into my bones like it was made to be held there
I felt it all
I felt it all deeply
Because the only way through this is to feel this pain
To really feel it
The only way the weight gets bearable
Is I get stronger while holding it
I know it will get smaller
Grief will grow lighter

I’ve been here before
This place of loss
I know it well
It doesn’t ever get easier
But I know I get stronger
Suffering has always made me a more understanding and empathizing human
It’s helped me to view the world more tenderly and use expression in an unusual, unique fashion.

I hold grief
Like it’s my friend
It hurts, but I embrace it

I will release it when I’ve fully processed its grip
I will let it go when I’m ready, and it will let me pass and continue on my journey.

***

Jessiclaire Wolf is a romantic, poet, wanderer, photographer, and lover of the derelict and decay. In her free time, she explores abandoned places and photographs them. She is a domestic abuse survivor, and some of her art is focused on raising awareness and breaking the stigma of shame surrounding victims and speaking out.

***

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