poetry

The Journey to Safety, Love and a Home. {poetry}

 

The constant running,
Years of it
Frightened… but not sure of what
Angry… but not sure with whom

I dwelled in the space
Where eternity lies
With the stars and dreamy nothingness
Of the other side

The here and now
Routine and cycles
Of life on earth
Terrified me… to the point of

Dragging my two young children
Across the globe
Just to be sure
That we could always hide
Or move on… from

That which reminded me I was alive
In a physical body
With an earthly life to lead
A life that had lost its sense
Somewhere along the way

Couldn’t find the place
Or the forgotten meaning
Searching I did
Whilst running wildly
Hunting for safety, love and a home

But a home can’t be found
Home is where the heart is
But as the heart was in shreds
The homeland was unrecognizable
From the start…

But run and search I did, in all the wrong places
In the drugs that made me feel
so connected…
to the disconnected world of lost souls
In relationships that intensified the feelings of loneliness.

To India, where the reflection of self in the eyes of all
Spun me around and shoved me back into the arms of what was not yet finished
To my horse and cart and the seeking of sense
in the windy lanes that the gypsies had trodden.

Until with age and the turning of Saturn
I took the first tentative steps to stop running
And face the job of building
Something more stable
That had structure and form

That I could say was mine
And that maybe I would even belong
But life cannot be forced to
Supply stability
At the wave of a hand, the making of a decision

From running to illusion… I built sandcastles
I created a persona
That had many friends and an exciting life… in foreign lands
And the frightened I who ran away
Looking for a home, buried herself deeper within

Given up fleeing
Hiding now in the theater-piece of a life
that was animated and dynamic but
resting on a bedrock of dust and emptiness
Until the day I signed on the dotted line

I boarded the train
That would take me on the journey
Inwards… towards a reanimation of the lost soul
It was to be the most intense adventure of all my travels
Layer by layer, like an onion-skin

I peeled slowly away, each hurt, illusion,
And outdated survival technique
And slowly I could feel the breath coming back
To my aura, to my being, to my heart
Hesitatingly I looked in the mirror

And told myself I loved me!
Slowly I made sense of the past
And even the generations past
I performed symbolic acts
To heal the unconscious mind

I learnt to dance my dance
Sing my song and feel
Feelings were the key…
I stopped running from and faced them
What we resist persists

I let go, stopped barricading
And my body processed intelligently
Much more so than the mind (that likes to think it’s intelligent)
And gently as I learnt to believe in myself… and love myself
the outer illusions started to flake away

And deep in my innermost
A subtle process of going home began… yet unbeknownst to me
The Universe helped the subconscious
As together they created situations that nudged me nearer
To the place where I had come from

To the place where I had fled from
Inner and outer intertwined
I was getting nearer to them both
Closer to home, back to the hearth
Feminine, masculine, the union of both

In my inward and outward lives
Harmoniously, magically, beautifully reflecting each other
I had stopped running and begun caring
For myself, for other, for the whole
And in an instant, twenty-five years later

The two ends joined
I had arrived at the same place
But recognized it for the first time
I am home!

***

Cathy Skipper is a writer, healer and life-coach. She lives in New Mexico and works internationally. She works alongside her husband, holistic psychiatrist, Florian Birkmayer M.D, helping healers, therapists and seekers of all kinds to transform their life’s challenges and find their soul’s purpose. Cathy believes for men and women to embrace the Divine Feminine within, women need to lead the way. Cathy does not teach a process, she helps you become the process. She is the co-founder of the online school and coaching service Aromagnosis.

***

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