Evidence of Pain. {poetry}
{source}
This represents a conversation between a mother and daughter, with pain as the central character.
The poem becomes a channel to have conversations that may be otherwise suppressed because like pain they are difficult to address. It creates a system, an inventory, a release by listing the different ways it can show up. The writing of the poem allows for awareness, of the body, of the emotions, including anger and frustration.
It also demonstrates, at the core, a very vulnerable voice — the voice of every individual who lives with any kind of persistent pain.
Most standard medical questions, doctors’ office experiences, are very insensitive, resulting in the individual undergoing the pain situation feeling unheard, unseen by the very people responsible for actually healing them and leading them to relief.
***
1.
Because they don’t get it —
really don’t
The difference between those
Who live in pain and others?
Because the difference is not
Yoga or
Dairy or
Vegan or
Meditation or
Chanting or
Buddhism or
Niceness factor or
Distance from work or
View from the studio or
Dog or cat or musical dissonance —
So, let me just stay with
Putting together for you
a journal of different
phenomena of pain
sifting through me
fissures into my days
nights too
I know you get it —
Still I want to describe flares
carefully and in slow motion
because I love you so much
I want to share
How I bear
with you, I want to share
the anatomy, chemistry, and mechanisms of
my practiced pain
some ways my pain incarnates —
2.
A water-logged drain
motivated by the bubbling
downpour of acidic crystals
The confused New Age seeker
at an intersection of
music and bhakti
A bewildered soldier
coaxed to rate continued trauma
on digital scales in a cramped clinic
The prick of a burst balloon
deflated into shriveled
nothingness of skin
A set of frozen winter brakes
being pushed to warmth
spluttering into delirium
That frozen chicken thigh
ineffectively thawed to life
color returning in spurts
A cadaver thumped alive
from apocalyptic bones
to skin flaming in lust
When an orthodontist clamps
into my mouth, cold incisors
jaws clenched in a constant bite
3.
I want to share
the anatomy, chemistry, and mechanisms of
my practiced pain
some ways my pain incarnates
Do I have to rate my
pain for you?
Do you ever rate your
love on a scale
Of 1 to 10?
I am asked to
be specific with
The physical, mental and
tactile sensations
I experience, nothing
Or everything
In individual and sum
of my parts
Stabbing into my heart
It is grounding
Even as the pounding
Takes me over
Through my very being
Will stay, stubborn
I am building this journal
For those who ask
These words are for them
I am a now a pain
Practitioner, gathering all
Examples of pain
To be better each time
I am asked to state
Or to rate my pain.
***
Kashiana Singh is a management professional by job classification and a work practitioner by personal preference. Kashiana’s TEDx talk was dedicated to Work as Worship. Her poetry collection, Shelling Peanuts and Stringing Words, presents her voice as a participant and an observer. Her latest digital chapbook, Crushed Anthills, was released by Yavanika Press in May 2020. Her poems have been published on various platforms including Poets Reading the News, Visual Verse, Oddball Magazine, TurnPike Magazine, Café Dissensus, Thieving Magpie, Dissident Voice, Feminine Collective, Spillwords, Poetry Super Highway. Kashiana lives in Chicago, and carries her various geographical homes within her poetry.
***
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