Hold Space for Each Other in Love While Healing.
Your relationships are not supposed to make you feel better. They are not supposed to fix your broken pieces or make you feel whole again.
Romantic stories have led us astray by portraying to us that another person will complete us and make us feel whole again, but this is not the purpose of higher forms of love. They are not there to complete us. Instead, they will challenge you to grow, expand, and become more than you are, all the while, in one of the paradoxes of Divine Love, giving you all the space you need to just simply be you.
We all have entered into relationships with wants and needs. We want our partnerships to go a certain way, or we want the people we love to act in a certain manner. We enter into love with a list of conditions and wants a mile long. And when these conditions are not met, we get angry, hurt, or even worse, we close our hearts and shut off access to our love.
This is one of the main reasons why we all find relationships so hard, and sometimes impossible. This approach to relationships will always lead to unhappiness, because we will never get everything we want. Another person will never be able to complete us. At best, most of our relationships become co-dependent.
Co-dependent relationships are based on fear. Fear that the other person will not love us, fear that they will leave us. The fear surrounding a co-dependent relationship leaves us unable to show up to the partnership embodying our full authentic selves, and means the relationship cannot ascend to a higher level of spiritual union.
When we enter into relationships, with wants and expectations, and our lovers do not meet what we want, we feel hurt, angry, resentful and shut down. We withdraw our love. Our love is conditional, and because of our fear, does not carry the vibration of honesty. Love without honesty is co-dependent.
In their highest forms, spiritual unions between two souls are a true meeting of hearts. A joining of hearts, minds and souls, in absolute freedom.
The freedom is the important part. Both need to allow each other to show up to the partnership as exactly who they are as whole complete individuals. Vulnerable, authentic, raw and open. With no expectations imposed on each other. No conditions ever attached to the giving and receiving of love.
In a true meeting of two souls who take absolute personal responsibility for their own emotional, physical and spiritual needs, they do not show up expecting their partner to provide them with happiness and fulfillment. They both individually take responsibility for filling their own cups. They have identified, in their own rights, the things that make them feel happy, satisfied and authentic.
This enables them both to show up as independent, sovereign souls. And when both parties show up like this, they do not form co-dependent partnerships, they form interdependent partnerships where both join and work together to form and create something in the world that did not exist before.
It is a synergistic relationship, where two wholes together create something more, more than the sums of the individual pieces or people. This is the gift of a spiritual union, an interdependent partnership.
From this space, two people can love with such ferocity and passion that the fires of their unconditional love holds them steady through even the biggest of challenges.
The flame is always kept alive. Why? Because each of them is responsible and accountable fully for what they personally bring to the table, while constantly holding space for each other, constantly allowing room for each to expand and grow in their own right, and never, ever, withholding love. This is the true form of unconditional love. Love that can hold through all the mistakes and challenges of growth.
A higher spiritual union does not mean a perfect partnership. We will make mistakes. As individuals, we are constantly in states of healing and growing. While in a partnership, both parties work on holding space for each other while constantly undergoing this healing process while maintaining generosity of spirit. This is love in its highest form.
Generosity of spirit can be likened to the forms of higher love you may show to your child. No matter what your child does, you would not withhold love from them. You easily tolerate their mistakes and always hold loving space. Generosity of spirit in higher love unions needs to embody the same type of open, nurturing love.
This type of love ensures both parties stay open with each other, no matter what happens. It also leaves enough room for one to let the other person have the freedom to just be while still being able to say, I am here, and I love you.
Find your consolation, your wants and needs and desires within yourself and your own love first. Do not look for those things within another. Love yourself fully and unconditionally first. Give yourself the freedom to just be you. Then watch this be mirrored back to you, by manifesting into your life a Divine Sacred Union.
Kim Turfrey is a mother and lover of life who lives in New Zealand and has spent a lifetime working with plants as well as Earth and Spiritual energies in order to find healing for herself and others. Being born with the gift of disability has enabled her to see the world through different eyes, and develop a deep love and gratitude for life. She works with people all around the world through the vehicle of her business Confirmations of Self, and empowers them with sets of tools that enable them to identify and move through the current and future challenges they face in the unification process. If you would like to contact Kim for enquiries about this work, you can get hold of her via email or Facebook.