In the Midst of Darkness. {poetry}
{source}
There had been a recent breakdown. We were together nine years, in what became another long-term toxic relationship.
My therapy was also coming to an end, although it had been extended due to the way things had ended with my partner. I was truly grateful. My children were also going through their own trials in life, and it hurt to hear, to feel, to see their pain. My physical body was suffering the effects of it all. And in the midst of all this, COVID-19 had begun ravaging many lives.
I allowed myself one month to weep and moan, and then I switched things up before the darkness engulfed me. Once my therapist heard that I had written a book of poems (yet to be published), she asked me to write one regarding being in quarantine. This was originally called “How COVID-19 Helped Me”.
***
In the midst of darkness, there is new growth
Within a tiny seed, there is life and intelligence…
Can you hear the whispers, so faint and yet
The sound is quite loud!
If only we would listen…
I heard it in the voice of my children
Weeping at the seams of their heart…
Tearing me apart!
I heard it in my body… aches… it hurts…
Too much discomfort!
I heard the waves of the sea violently crashing in on me
Nine years… but I could not see clearly
Mental disparity
Emotional irregularity!
Then an unknown virus appears
And now the whole world is all ears!
Filled with intense anxieties and fears…
I take a moment
And realize… nothing much has changed for me
But a reflection of my life… consistently!
So in the silence of global isolation… while the world is on pause
I listen… I breathe… I take rest… connect and redirect… my attention
And start to release some of this tension!
Each day I rise and give thanks for my life
As it’s a miracle that I’m still here
Mind and body riddled with anxiety and fear for years!
Knowing all along there was something not quite right with me
Diagnosed now with cPTSD
Constantly learning how to set myself free!
I said I was not a poet… but all along I was and did not know it!
I said I could not run… now I rise up early… jog in the park… it’s so much fun!
I said I had no time, that it was difficult to write… now I do so with much delight!
I wrote 29 poems in just nine days!
Hold on… let me paraphrase
Book One now completed
Deep-seated memories… revisited… emancipated!
Each new day that I rise…
I practice to breathe like a baby who’s just arrived
Coz it makes me feel like I’m renewed and revived!
On the days that I do not run…
I put my body into some yoga moves
As this sets my mind, body and spirit in a positive groove
Sound therapy, aromatherapy, meditation
Mindfulness and creativity too…
I’ll do whatever I have to do!
At any rate, the rewards are immensely great
So even on a challenging day…
there’s no giving up or giving in
Taking one day at a time…
Giving it my best shot
Coz it’s only me that I’ve got!
***
Zawadi Seas Justice lost her voice in childhood, but recognizes the gift of self-expression she was blessed with in exchange, communicating instead with her hands to create, and has learned to use her art forms as her therapy. In particular, she has a passion for patchwork as she states it’s a metaphor for her life while she carefully gathers pieces of it back together transforming herself into something new, useful, more durable, and beautiful than before! She is a determined self-taught student of life, constantly seeking ways to encourage and support women and girls, especially along their own personal journey to live a more creative, conscious and self-sustainable lifestyle. With over 16 years of experience, Zawadi is on an ambitious and bold mission to return home to her ancestral lands to co-create an eco-well-being village to support healing through inner and outer environmental practices.
***
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