you & me

Live Your Life Each Day to Its Fullest.

 

Quarantine during this pandemic has given several people time to invest in knowledge for both personal interest and professional reasons.

Binge-watching and chatting gets boring eventually, so we hop online to explore the cyber library. Between blogs, podcasts, webinars, courses, vlogs, and documentaries, we can become masters of any topic. Or perhaps we can become interested in something new we didn’t have time to pursue before.

We’ll all come out of this pandemic knowing new things we can impress people with when we meet up in cafes and restaurants. We might even change careers or choose different life paths having been enlightened in some way. We’ll have a better understanding of ourselves and the world too.

Having no understanding, having no knowledge of things makes us scared and resistant to change. In contrast, the more we know, the more we understand and the more we’re open to accepting change. Being an Enneagram 5 and introvert, not to mention a fibro-warrior who is home-based, I can attest to this nature to want to know more and more.

However, there are moments when I wonder why. Why do I need to know so much? What will happen if I don’t know more? Explode into tiny pieces? Turn into a pumpkin? Besides, is it really necessary to know more right now?

You know a lot already, I tell myself. I mean, all through my childhood and adolescent years I practically lived in the library. Then I went to uni and have been continuing tertiary education online ever since.

I’ve also had many life experiences so far, and I’ve grown up in a time where you don’t really need to think all that much because technology is there for you in every way. In fact, it’s threatening our way of making a living. I now know I’m an HSP, an INFJ, an Enneagram 5, a Scorpio moon, a Sag Lilith, and my main life path is five.

Then the reason hits me: it’s because it’s a survival mechanism. Unlike hoarding things that collect dust and fill up rooms, and are a hassle to move around, information stays in the spot between your ears. It’s there if you need it, which for an Enneagram 5 person seems it could be needed at any moment. It’s the fear of being dependent on others, of being in the dark about things.

It can also, in some cases, mean that you didn’t feel you had mental space as a child.

If I were to psychoanalyze myself for a second, I’d remember feeling smothered as a kid by a single mother with a suspected anxiety disorder. She’s a hoarder to an extent, a pack rat expecting the worst to happen, but that’s part of the ACOA trauma syndrome.You’re always on high alert, stocking up for some big thought-up event that has a low probability of happening IRL.

In a way, I’ve taken on this fear of not knowing, not being aware of what is to come.

I was never really allowed to have an actual bedroom. The walls were kept bare, as was the furniture, and the only decorations I had in my teens were a few Orlando Bloom posters (and admittedly, I still have a few today). Then again, we were always moving houses, always short on time to actually settle.

The walls were never painted some cool color, and it wasn’t filled with cool furniture. When I’d visit friends, I envied their cool rooms with their carved initial letters, matching furniture, and brightly painted walls. Their parents didn’t seem to be so involved with them either. They didn’t seem to be so concerned about what we were up to, compared to my mom.

I realize that’s yet another reason I love to watch TV and movies because the sets play into my fantasy.

I’m not saying that it’s bad to learn, to enhance our life with knowledge, and to be good conversationalists, but I’m saying without some purpose to it all, or if it’s not shared with anyone, it’s useless. You just end up filling your brain with stuff that leaves your brain filled with mental spam basically.

I have to remind myself that I’m not that old (29 isn’t 65, or 95). I have a way to go in this epic game called life. I will have many more life experiences to gain and many things to learn in the personal and professional spheres. To grow as a person, to be open to new things, we must let go of old stuff — old memories, old beliefs, old ways of thinking. As the old adage goes, let go of what doesn’t serve you.

I know that at 50, I’ll be a whole different person, and will have to, once again, declutter my mind of things that really don’t apply to what’s going on at that time. I’d have gone through yet more trials and tribulations, gained more knowledge than I have now.

Life isn’t about living with your nose buried in knowledge and facts, it’s about living each day to its fullest. Interacting with people, noticing the beauty of nature, engaging your senses and observing your thoughts without judgement are how you can achieve this. Inner wisdom, wisdom from your spirit, is powerful too. After all, as that saying goes, the most important relationship you have in life will be with yourself.

If you’re so wrapped up in work, you’ll miss the spectacular view of that sunset!

You only get one chance at this game, so you might as well spend it in the school of life. Besides, in the 21st century, degrees really don’t mean anything, aside from proving you can think critically, are adept at research, and write concisely. You might as well spend uni tuition on a trip to a country to learn about its culture, as well as the geography, animals and people who inhabit the place.

I guess that’s my fourth house in Sag calling, beckoning me to explore the world at the very least or find somewhere exotic to settle (and maybe, just maybe, meet a special foreign someone in the process). I need to roam to find myself.

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Jade Bald is a Canadian, history graduate, and freelance writer. When not writing, she’s enjoying a walk, a bloody good mystery and a nice cuppa. She also has a rescue cat and practices astrology. You could connect with her via Twitter or Instagram.

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